A shiva call and legacy planning - opinion

“The greatest legacy one can pass on to one’s children and grandchildren is not money or other material things accumulated in one’s life, but rather a legacy of character and faith.” – Billy Graham

Earlier this week, I paid a shiva (condolence) call to a family whose son fell in battle in Gaza. I sat there for maybe 10 minutes, and those 10 minutes haven’t left my mind since. In a surreal scene, a family that had just completed the 30 days of mourning suddenly came in to comfort the family.

Then after they left, another couple arrived, having just gotten up from their seven-day mourning period for their son ,who fell in battle as well.

What made the story more surreal was that both of the fathers were schoolmates years ago, and the father who was sitting had paid a shiva call to this friend a few days earlier; now, that father, after getting up from shiva, was comforting his friend.

As some of you may know, I am not the most emotional person, but there was something in this scene that was at first chilling and later inspiring.

Being in the presence of these people whose sons fell in battle is beyond tragic. Seeing them together really hits hard, and you are left speechless. On the other hand, while they are and will continue to experience pain that none of us should have to experience, they get up and move forward, continuing, no matter how hard, to live.

After hearing about the life of the fallen soldier, while gut-wrenching, I felt it gave me something to shoot for.

Aiming to build a legacy through grief

I am always struck when reading about the soldiers who have fallen and how they are always the best of society. It’s always the inspiring educator, the young man who volunteered 24/7 with cancer patients, the father who has an unbelievable relationship with his children, the soldier who saved his fellow soldiers by taking the enemy fire or falling on a grenade while they can get to safety.

It’s also the way they live their daily lives – leading by example. There was a rabbi at this shiva who explained the phrase, “You shall have the longevity of days and years.” He asked why we need longevity in days if we are asking for longevity in years. He answered that some merit a long life.

Others merit only days, but they are long and full of action and contribution to society, meaning that even in a short life, they can accomplish so much. They leave their mark on their family and society as a whole. I thought a lot about that and how to live a more meaningful life on my drive home, and I haven’t stopped thinking about that.

Kyra Hollowell Morris, the founder of Morris Financial Concepts, writes: “Your legacy is something that is cultivated throughout your life – you are living it every day. What a powerful statement! How you interact with people, how you share and mentor others, and how you demonstrate your love for others and your community are all part of your legacy. That being said, you are in control of your legacy right now, and with some mindful and creative thinking, it can be captured in what you leave behind.”

I know this is a financial column, and now is where I should launch into my normal spiel about leaving an inheritance and taking the right financial planning and investment steps to ensure a large estate to leave to the next generation. This is important, but I want to focus a bit on the nonfinancial aspects of leaving a legacy.

When thinking about leaving the legacy, think long and hard about what’s important to you – whether it’s a cause near and dear to your heart, or even a character trait that you believe society should place more of an emphasis on. This is your legacy, and you are the boss.

In next week’s Torah portion, we read about how Ya’acov on his deathbed lays out his legacy to his children and grandchildren. Not much has changed in a few thousand years. Parents had the same fears then that they have now. Ya’acov’s concerns were like ours. Will our children believe what we believe? Will they appreciate the same value system that we do? Will our individual and national history be remembered, transmitted, and kept?

The Talmud in Brachot 18a says: “For the living know that they will die, and the dead know nothing and have no more reward, for their memory has been forgotten (Ecclesiastes 9:5): For the living know that they will die, these are the righteous, who even in their death are called living.”

Nothing like a war to make you start thinking about the legacy you would like to live.

May we only share the good news. May all the families of the fallen be comforted. May the hostages be released. May the wounded have a speedy recovery. May our dear soldiers be safe and protected.

The information contained in this article reflects the opinion of the author and not necessarily the opinion of Portfolio Resources Group, Inc. or its affiliates.

aaron@lighthousecapital.co.ilAaron Katsman is the author of Retirement GPS: How to Navigate Your Way to A Secure Financial Future with Global Investing.