Coping one day at a time: Israeli perspectives on war and emotional resilience - opinion

Israelis are not used to long wars. In the recent past, the wars that they fought had limited timelines. 

Whether due to internal political pressures or powerful world pressures, Israel has always been put in a vulnerable position in its fight to protect itself.

As I write these words, we see the same thing being played out, leaving most people confused and uncertain as to what the future has in store for us. 

My elderly neighbor Harry stopped me recently for a small chat about the situation, stating he was really worried. I told him that I also was concerned. Harry said that for most of his life he has been an optimist, but for the first time in his life he feels very pessimistic. 

I asked Harry more specifically what he is most worried about. He stated that he feels like the country is sitting on a tinderbox and a big war is going to break out with Hezbollah and Iran. He has been sickened by all the antisemitism appearing on Western college campuses and other places all over the world, and that the world is far too silent – just as it was during the Holocaust. The UN, he said, is useless and deeply antisemitic.

This man, like many others, felt his negative emotions were getting to him. 

I have spoken to other people who continue to have a low-key depression and don’t understand why they feel like crying. Each person has a different set of worries, but all in all they are worries related to the war. Some people find it hard to get back into leisure activities, such as going out to dinner or attending a concert. The national worry about our future is overwhelming.

Emotional resilience in crisis

A CLIENT of mine, Anna, a cancer survivor in her late 40s, described her experience undergoing year-long cancer treatment. While it was successful, during the treatment she had many things to cope with, decisions to make, and anxiety about undergoing frightening medical procedures. She said that in order to cope during the difficult year of treatment, she had to keep her real fears in check. 

Only now does Anna realize that at the time, she was not in touch with her real fears and emotions. Now she is beginning to allow herself to feel how frightening her whole health crisis really was.

This was the focus of a large part of her treatment with me.

In one session, Anna made a comparison to the war situation and how Israelis are coping. She believes people have become disconnected emotionally as the war drags on each day. 

To some extent, I thought that Anna was right on target. It is hard to deal with trauma while you are still inside of trauma. The national healing process will have to wait until the war is over.

However, in the meantime, we must do our best to help ourselves feel better. I encourage people to talk about their feelings. Do not underestimate how the current situation has affected people – like Harry, and almost everyone in Israel. Don’t push these feelings aside but realize that they are normal reactions to an abnormal experience, the war. 

Furthermore, rising global antisemitism of this magnitude has not been seen since the Second World War. The hatred expressed in the world is overwhelming.

Talk to your family members and friends about your worries and concerns. It is normal to feel mood changes, suffer from anxiety, and have concentration problems during what is clearly a powerful and extremely challenging time for Israel. Ask them how they are feeling and coping with the situation. You will see that the way you are feeling is actually shared by many others.

Those Israelis most directly affected by the war – Oct. 7 survivors, our soldiers who saw battle firsthand, and those dislodged from their homes – are most likely in need of immediate psychological help. We need to do everything to get them the help they need.

Realize that we do not have control over the reality of the war, the decision-making process of our leaders, and the world’s reaction to our situation. However, there are things we can do each day to lower our stress level.

These include practicing gratitude for the things going well in your life, enjoying a hobby, exercising, and practicing some simple relaxation techniques such as mindfulness and deep breathing. 

Spend time with your children and/or grandkids. And most certainly, cut down on your news intake. 

Remember, you are not alone. We are in this together, and we will prevail. I am sure of this. 

The writer is a cognitive-behavioral psychotherapist treating adults and children, as well as couples, seeing clients in Ra’anana and in his clinic in Jerusalem. drmikegropper@gmail.com; www.facebook.com/drmikegropper