With no end to war in sight, how are Israelis coping with October 7, nine months on?

It’s been almost nine months since Oct. 7, and an end to the Israel-Hamas war seems nowhere in sight. Furthermore, an all-out war with Hezbollah seems inevitable. 

Everyone living in Israel is affected by this war. We all know of at least someone who was either taken hostage or killed, and many of us have close relatives, friends, or friends’ husbands and children fighting on the front.

We read the news, which includes frequent reports of the latest casualties, as well as news about worldwide antisemitism and international pressure on the Jewish state.

This is in addition to the internal political conflicts and the ongoing financial strain. Some businesses are struggling due to a shortage of staff; many have been called up to the IDF reserves, while others rely heavily on tourism, which is experiencing significant declines. Farms, kibbutzim, and moshavim suddenly have no workers.

The Magazine interviewed a range of people, including psychologists, to learn how the general population is coping – or not coping – with the situation. This article does not include hostage families, bereaved families, or evacuees.

“I DO not live near Gaza. I am not related to a hostage or a soldier. I don’t know anyone personally who was killed on Oct. 7, nor do I personally know any soldier who has fallen in the war. My family has not been displaced from our home. I am not directly impacted by any of the challenges that so many Israelis are facing on a daily basis,” Rivkah Lambert Adler, an American Israeli author and freelance journalist, told the Magazine.

“At the same time, I am impacted emotionally by what’s happening to my people and my country. When someone asks, ‘How are you?’ my automatic answers prior to Oct. 7 no longer seem appropriate. Now, I sometimes say, ‘I don’t know how to answer that question.’ Or I say, ‘I am as my nation is.’

“My emotions are all over the place,” she continued. “I see an update about a fallen soldier, and my heart clenches. I read about the dramatic rise in antisemitism, and I feel sick to my stomach. Fear for my extended family and the Jewish people who don’t yet live in Israel consumes me. I feel outrage at the lies being spread on social media about Israel’s actions in this war.

“Sometimes I feel guilty because I have not been personally impacted by tragedy. My heart and soul haven’t been at peace since Oct. 7.

“So how do I cope? I have taken on a range of new behaviors that all help a little. Here are some of them:

“I thank God for all the blessings I have and all the ways I have been protected since Oct. 7.

“I learned from my husband to look into the eyes of the fallen soldiers in the photos the media releases and ask God to reward their souls.

“I was inspired by a friend who lights a yahrzeit [memorial] candle for each fallen soldier. In that spirit, I keep a memorial candle burning at all times while this war is being fought and pray for the souls of those who have lost their lives whenever I take notice of the flame.

“On Shabbat, when I light my candles, I say a special prayer for the soldiers, for the wounded, for the hostages, for the families, and for all of the Jewish people during this difficult time.

“Back in November, I asked a friend who had one son serving in Gaza and one son serving in the North how she copes. She told me the thing that works for her is to immerse herself in Torah study and teaching. As a result of her advice, I started teaching a weekly Torah class on Zoom, in addition to my other Torah commitments. When preparing for class or learning with a study partner or teaching Torah, I am able to derive comfort from being plugged into something that’s much bigger and deeper and more eternal than this war and its disruptions.

“I go to the gym three times a week to try to shake off the tension.

“And, because I am human, I sometimes completely escape by reading novels or watching a few episodes of Young Sheldon.”

Arnie Draiman, a philanthropic consultant who lives in Jerusalem, said, “I work in the nonprofit arena, so I have been kept busy for eight months now.

“Despite staying busy, any moment of downtime – going to the mall, taking a walk, etc. – means seeing the posters of the hostages and catching up on the news about which soldiers have been killed or wounded. So, you just don’t get away from ‘it’ – ‘it’ being Oct. 7.

“On a very personal level, and this might seem silly, I haven’t been able to listen to Spotify since Oct. 7. I just don’t feel like listening to my music.” 

Another Jerusalem resident, Elisheva Silver Aarons, is a digital marketer and mother of six. “The constant bad news and the pain and sadness all around us are really hard to handle,” she said.

“These times are so turbulent, and I don’t think anyone in Israel can escape being affected by the war. Seeing our fellow Jews and Israelis suffer is heartbreaking. There is so much anxiety and unknown, as well as so much pain and loss. It’s also tough knowing how so much of the world seems to hate us and refuses to see the moral clarity of the situation.

“To sum it up, I think all people in Israel are pushing through and trying as hard as they can to keep going, but we all are operating with a heavy heart.”

Amazing resilience

DR. JACKIE WEINBERG, a certified New York State school psychologist, retired five years ago from his position as director of the School Psychological Services for the city of Hadera. He currently directs Machon Weinberg (The Weinberg Clinic) in that city.

“On Oct. 7, I saw people who were anxious and had fear. Anxiety and fear are not the same thing. You could have a very important exam coming up in 10 days, and you’re fearful. Will I pass? You’re afraid. Anxiety is after the fear stressor is gone, yet you still feel uneasy and anxious,” he explained.

“I want to make that very important distinction because most people put fear and anxiety in the same sentence. It’s not the same. The symptoms could be the same. There might be palpitations, sleep problems, uneasiness, irritability. With anxiety, the conditions continue.

“So, when I look at the situation now – as opposed to Oct. 7, 8, 9, and into early November – it’s a different world. In the first few weeks, people were anxious and fearful. In the first few days, terrorists were walking around; people in Tel Aviv and Hadera were afraid. From the moment they knew the terrorists were all caught, the fear subsided, but there was still an underlying anxiety.

“Today, I think – this is not based on an analytical study but on my own experience – people have amazing resilience in this country. It’s unbelievable. The war is going on right now, up north and down south, and yet I went shopping yesterday in the new mall in Hadera, and there were no parking spaces available. People go to the movies, plays, and restaurants.

“Each person is trying to deal with the situation in the best way he or she can. People learn to adjust and cope with stress. We all have our coping mechanisms. Most [pivotal], in my opinion, is good social support. In severe cases, of course, I would recommend going to see a [mental health] professional. But in most cases, when there is good social support from family, friends, spouses, and even older children, one can see tremendous progress.

“There are many ways to deal with stress. It’s not one size fits all; what works for me might not work for you and vice versa. It’s known that breathing techniques, physical exercise, and meditation are some of the ways. In my case, I feel the healing power of music. When I play the guitar – especially songs from the ’50s and ’60s, going back to some of the best times of my life with some of my best memories – it’s very healing. 

“In my opinion, volunteering is very helpful. Research has shown that those who give to others are happier and more content. Volunteering can make a person feel empowered to make a difference as opposed to feeling helpless. 

“Another thing is faith. I think faith is very, very important.”

The Magazine asked: Do you think there’s a difference in how religious people and non-religious are coping?

“I can’t say for sure yes or no, but what I can say is that, in my opinion, for people who have faith, it definitely helps – not just faith in God but faith in themselves, faith in the army, faith in the country, etc. Other coping mechanisms include sports, meditation, and deep breathing; these things have been proven helpful.”

Amid the darkness, there have been some silver linings.

“I had a client who had marital problems,” Weinberg said. “She said her husband was irresponsible and lazy, among other things, and she considered filing for divorce. When the war started, he enlisted in the army, in a combat unit, and she stopped the entire divorce procedure. She said, ‘I love him very much. He is responsible. Look what he’s doing for the country!’”

CLINICAL PSYCHOLOGIST Dr. Suzanne Amsellem Black specializes in treating patients suffering from trauma, including victims of terrorism. Based in Paris and Washington, DC, she is also a volunteer psychologist with Tikva by KeepOlim Mental Health Program, which assists immigrants in Israel. Black provides emotional support on the helpline and conducts psychotherapy sessions with IDF lone soldiers.

In an interview with the Magazine, Black discussed the trauma experienced by Israelis, as well as Jews in the Diaspora.

“Transgenerational trauma is a collective trauma of historical memories of suffering that are carried consciously and unconsciously as part of our personal narrative as Jews. To be Jewish means we own the trauma of centuries of persecution, and we are sensitized to it. When we are aggressed because we are Jewish, the trauma erupts abruptly, and we think survival. It becomes acutely activated, and we, as Israelis and Jews in the Diaspora, are frightened for our survival. It is no longer safe to be a Jew,” Black said.

As the war continues, “Israelis are experiencing profound grief and a sense of tremendous insecurity.... The trauma is still occurring. It is an active trauma....

“People cope by [using] whatever inherent internal resources they have, as well as the extent to which they are immersed in a sense of community providing social support structures,” she added.

“Trauma has always been anchored firmly in the Israeli psyche and the psyche of the Jewish people, and Oct. 7 has reevoked images of the Shoah, triggering a renewed trauma echoing the era of 1930s Nazi Germany. It is a compounded trauma. There is no doubt that there is generational trauma. Of course, it is a traumatized generation – trauma upon trauma accumulating.”

Black described her experience staffing the Tikva by KeepOlim emotional helpline on April 14, the night of the Iran missile attack on Israel. It appears that newcomers to Israel were more fearful than native Israelis and longtime olim.

“I spoke with several callers who were in a panicked state, some screaming that they were terrified of dying, and some so disoriented by their state of panic that they could not think clearly about immediate steps for self-protection and survival,” Black said. “Another was in a panic about whether he should remain in Israel, fearing for his life.”

DR. ED SHANE, a Canadian Israeli chiropractor, has a private practice in Beit Shemesh and works with health funds in other cities and at Sheba Hospital.

“Many patients are complaining about generalized muscle pain, and people are being referred because of post-traumatic stress, which manifests itself physically with muscle tension,” he told the Magazine. “Many have been called up or have volunteered for army duty; they have experienced muscular-skeletal pain that is not just stress-related but also physically; it’s very strenuous for them. Many of them are carrying heavy weights, causing back and neck problems. 

“Interestingly, one my patients is a social worker, and what he’s telling me is that among the things that he’s seen that are not the result of physical strain is fibromyalgia. Fibromyalgia used to be a series of points, of which 11 of 18 are required for a diagnosis, but it’s a syndrome. It’s muscular-skeletal pain that is in the upper body and the lower body; there are often headaches associated with it, and it is almost invariably associated with a loss of nocturnal sleep.... People are having difficulty sleeping. They’re focused on the news.

“I’m finding that [native] Israelis seem to be coping a little better than olim, perhaps because they’ve experienced this kind of tension chronically for many years; it comes and goes. Among my patients, many of the [native] Israelis tell me they limit the amount of news they watch, while people like me, I would say, are constantly checking the news to see what happened an hour ago, if there were more rockets from the North... because we know that a larger war could take place at any time. It’s very worrisome.”

Stress-related pain is “very difficult to treat,” Shane explained. “If you’re treating a muscular-skeletal injury, usually it resolves; but with stress, it’s ongoing, and the pain keeps returning because the cause – stress and worry – hasn’t gone away.

“I’ve noticed that I’m a lot busier than I used to be because of the war,” Shane added, noting a shortage of chiropractors in Israel. “With the exception of soldiers, people are not getting injured more often than before, but they are starting to have serious issues due to muscle tension. Basically, we are all one family. Everyone knows someone who was wounded, lost their life, was at the Nova [music] festival, or evacuated – all related to the war.”

“OF COURSE, we had a shock on Oct. 7. How could something like that happen here?” Jan-Elazar Refoua, owner of Ora Judaica, Gift, and Souvenirs in the center of Jerusalem, said in conversation with the Magazine. “Three of my children were immediately drafted – two in Gaza and the third in Intelligence. My wife and I could barely sleep; the food had no taste. It completely changed our lives. The whole country felt it. 

“The situation is very difficult, seeing all the fallen soldiers and the wounded, the hostage situation – it affects us all. 

“As for our business, there are hardly any tourists; many airlines have stopped flying to Israel. Our business depends on tourists. But we’re dealing with it and hoping that things will get better. We hope the hostages will come home and the war will end.

“Whoever lives in Israel has to understand that this is our country,” Refoua stressed. “We’re one of the first generations in 2,000 years to live in the Jewish state. So, we have a mission to guard it. We have relatives in other places, like America, but this is our country. We do the best we can and hope things will get better.

“That said, I don’t believe the situation will ever revert to what it was on October 6. I’m here in the business for over 40 years. There have been tough times, but nothing like this. We went through the intifada and other challenges in this country. My wife and daughter were wounded in the Sbarro blast,” he said, referring to the 2001 suicide bombing of a Jerusalem pizzeria that killed 16 people and wounded 130, many seriously.

“The situation is worse now than during the intifada because, with the intifada, we knew how to end it. But with this war, we don’t know how we can end it. We don’t see an end to it.

“Regardless of whether one is on the Right or the Left, there are two issues here. First, if they [the IDF and the Intelligence establishment] didn’t have any idea about the impending attack, woe to us. And if they knew but chose to ignore it, that’s even worse. I’m not a politician, but there must be an accounting.”

Chana Deutsch, a Jerusalem-based relationship coach, is “always striving to understand the relevant messages in the Torah that we can apply to our everyday lives.”

This year, Deutsch has been attending a weekly class on the Book of Samuel, taught by Rabbanit Shani Taragin, a renowned educator, at Matan – the Sadie Rennert Women’s Institute for Torah Studies. It “has given me all my strength,” she said. “It helps me put things into perspective by learning what the prophets had to say about devastating events during biblical times in the Land of Israel. There are messages.

“Yes, every life lost and every news report about a new casualty is devastating, but knowing that God is with us and that we’re going to get through this gives us hope and comfort. 

“Samuel was frustrated. We’re also frustrated. Why can’t everyone just get it together? It’s OK to have those feelings. I’m not just learning about a story that happened 3,000 years ago. It’s happening now. At the beginning of the war, we also discussed how our forefather Jacob was afraid. But he dealt with his fears, and we can also deal with our fears.

“It’s OK to be afraid. However, we’re not alone. Studying Tanach [Torah, Prophets, and Writings] helps me process my emotions. It makes me feel connected and reminds me that there’s a bigger picture.”

Sara Amittai, a grandmother and teacher, lives in the city of Ma’alot in the Western Galilee.

As a resident of the North, “during the first several weeks of the war, we really felt the threat of terrorist infiltration,” she told the Magazine. “The first thing we did was to make sure my 96-year-old mother-in-law and my daughter and her children moved to what we considered safer places (Migdal Ha’emek and Yeroham). My three sons-in-law were immediately recruited, so we spent those first weeks moving from Yeroham to Migdal Ha’emek to Ma’alot, helping our daughters out.

“After three weeks, we came back home, and since then have been trying to maintain a routine as much as possible. We go to work, school, etc., and when necessary, we run to the safe room or the shelter.

“I don’t think the situation has affected our mental health. We are so busy that we don’t have the time to indulge in how or what we feel.

“I strongly believe that people around me have become more religious and more connected to each other. I witness people of all types cooperating in cooking for, and providing for, the soldiers. I witness people helping women whose husbands are at war. I witness people joining groups to pray and recite Psalms. I feel people are nicer to each other.

“In general, people around me participate in the same activities as they did before the war, but the war and the goings-on hover above.”

However, “I am very optimistic about the future. I have strong faith in the strength of my people and the soldiers. I definitely feel that God is with us. I know for sure that we are here to stay.”

DAVE BENDER, a veteran American Israeli journalist, also lives in the North. A resident of Kfar Hananya, he is a long-term volunteer with the regional Tzahi community resilience/first-responders team, which includes the emergency standby squad.

“We’re as armed as we can be for a community that is just one step back from being a front line community,” he told the Magazine. 

Asked how he and others in his neighborhood are coping with the situation, he said, “Life goes on. There’s a war going on, and we also have our lives going on.

“In our community, people are coping, and life is going on pretty much as usual. People are aware of what’s going on. Many, many people are in [IDF] reserve duty and in active service on the borders North and South. In our daily lives, there is real concern, but we have to function, and we do function.”

Still, “every family is affected. I have a close friend in his late 60s who’s a volunteer at the Northern Command. Most mornings, he’s in uniform. And that’s common. We have evacuees who are living here; some have moved here long term.

“Businesses are not functioning as usual,” he added. “Another friend is an electrician whose shop has come under regular, hard-core fire and exploding drone attacks.... Obviously, the war has impacted so many people’s careers and businesses.

“My wife and I are beekeepers. We’re going to a farmer’s market in the central square in Safed, and the threat of coming under a rocket attack there is not small. It’s a major threat, but we’re going on with our lives. It’s the third time we’re going, and there has been a phenomenal turnout. People want to share in a public venue that we’re alive, surviving, thriving, and not giving in.

“I’m a volunteer member of two groups of civilians – of evacuated communities and non-evacuated communities in the North – and I must admit that there, the people are beside themselves. The feeling is widely shared that the government has totally abandoned them.... There are villages and towns that are ghost towns. It will take billions, not millions, of shekels to rebuild afterwards unless, as some people have said very cynically, Highway 85 will be the new border. Many people say they will not move back – over 60%, according to some surveys – until they know that the threat by Hezbollah has been destroyed – not pushed back, not negotiated, but destroyed, because there’s no future in waiting for Oct. 7 to happen again.

“I’ve done 18 and a half years in the IDF, although I’ve been demobilized and am beyond reserve duty age, but we’re worried, among other things, about our children and our grandchildren who live in Safed. We have two daughters living on the Golan Heights who have also come under fire numerous times; we have a son, daughter, and granddaughter in Beersheba, who have come under massive rocket barrages before Oct. 7.

“I think it’s important to point out that we’re not newbies at this. This has been going on [in the South] for almost 19 years, since the [2005] pullout from Gaza,” he said, referring to the 2005 Disengagement, when Israel withdrew from the Gaza Strip and expelled all 9,000 Israeli residents.

EARLIER THIS week, a study carried out by Tel Aviv University and the Tel Hai Academic College, which tracked the resilience of Israelis for six months at four points in time following the outbreak of the war, was presented at TAU’s Annual Convention: Israel’s Future.

“On the one hand, personal resilience and morale measures indicate that the public is becoming ‘accustomed’ to the situation, learning to live alongside the war,” the study found. “At the same time, on the national level, a sharp decline was identified in resilience, hope, and social unity.

“The fact that people are getting somewhat used to the new situation, combined with a feeling that this is a ‘no choice war’ forced upon Israel and requiring common efforts, can explain the rise in morale and decline in stress symptoms on the personal level,” the researchers concluded.

However, they warned that “a continued decline in resilience might damage the country’s social fabric and sense of unity and cohesion.

“If Israeli society is to overcome the hardships and challenges that still lie ahead, state institutions and civil society must act now to strengthen solidarity and enhance common denominators shared by all parts of the nation.”

Substance abuse since Oct. 7: the statistics

One out of every three women and one out of every five men report having a high level of post-traumatic stress following the events of Oct. 7.

This is an increase of 150% among women and 65% among men, compared to data from 2022, according to the Israel Center on Addiction and Mental Health.

“A direct connection has been found between the indirect exposure to the events of Oct. 7 and the increase in use of addictive substances,” the center notes in its literature.

In an interview with the Magazine, Inbal Dor Kerbel, the center’s CEO, stressed the significance of the findings concerning the general population in the country. “We all know about the impact on the evacuees, hostage families, and those who lost family members in the war or in any way related to Oct. 7. It’s not anything that we aren’t aware of.” However, “it’s not just them; all of us are affected emotionally. Every morning, we wake up with anxiety, not knowing what the news will bring. Everyone feels the war in their family or social circles. Everyone is concerned; if it isn’t about a direct family member, like a son, then it’s someone else, like a friend’s son.

“There’s also anxiety due to international developments and internal [political] conflicts here. For eight months, we have been in a constant state of suspense and anxiety.

“There is a clear and significant rise in the use of various substances to calm us down, give us comfort, and help us get through the day. 

“The situation was already negative on October 6, but it’s much worse now. Before Oct. 7, one in seven Israelis fell into substance abuse at a medium or high level; in November 2023, it rose to one in five, and by December 2023 it was up to one in four. Whether it’s prescription drugs, alcohol, or light drugs, there are many factors that are extremely concerning.”

The center’s statistics show that in 2018, one in 10 Israelis had substance abuse disorders or contended with addictive behaviors. In 2022, the number rose to one in seven, which Dor Kerbel attributes to the coronavirus.

She warned that these substances “seem to help in the short term, but it’s absolutely worse in the long term,” pointing to the danger of addiction. In the long run, they “increase anxiety, fear, and depression,” and the normal treatments become less effective. “You could start by taking one shot of alcohol or one pill a day but eventually needing three a day or more.”

She continued, “The one in four statistic concerns the general population, but among the survivors of Oct. 7, it’s one in two, and approximately 33% among the evacuees.

“These statistics are very disturbing. It’s like a plague running through the population. One in four Israelis have increased their drug, alcohol, cigarette, or other substance use, and some have never used them before Oct. 7.”

Before that horrific day, the stress level in Israel was already very high, with triggers such as the planned judicial reforms, terrorism, and other challenges, Dor Kerbel noted. 

According to data from the center, there has been a 15% increase in the use of all types of addictive substances in Israel since the start of the war. The use of sedatives and sleeping pills has increased by a staggering 180%, while the use of opiate pain relief medication has increased by 70%.

“It’s important to publicize these statistics so that people will understand the danger, as well as remove the stigma; people are ashamed to speak about their addictions,” Dor Kerbel said. “The medical professionals, especially those who deal with trauma or rehabilitation, should understand how to deal with this issue. 

“Raising awareness about the dangers of addiction is crucial. Schools and parent groups should engage in discussions about addiction. The interior, education, welfare, and h ealth ministries – all of them should work together to create a national program.”

The level of addiction is rising not just in Israel but also across the globe, Dor Kerbel said. – A.B.