Connecting with friends and staying happy, despite the challenges

During the past 10 months, we as a nation have endured enormous stress that has not let up. Since Oct. 7, when the adrenaline rush began, there has been a constant sense of uncertainty and worry. After all, we are at war, one that is threatening the survival of our nation.

I guess I have always felt that we were at war in some way or another. This war is certainly different and, in fact, quite scary, and no one really knows where this is going and how things will look even one month from now.

Will we be able to declare victory over Hamas, push back Hezbollah, and return people to their homes? Will our hostages come home? Will Iran start attacking again as it did the night of April 14, miraculously not harming us? Yes, there are miracles, many of them.

So, with all of these threats to our national security, how is it that we generally are a happy people? This is borne out by the most recent happiness survey by the UN, which found Israel to be the fourth-happiest people out of 130 nations.

An outsider would declare that this finding is impossible, and it can’t be true. However, if you ask Israelis, they would most likely agree that in spite of everything, we are a happy country, filled with love for our people and our nation. Like the name of our national anthem “Hatikvah” suggests, we never lose hope. And, although the happiness rating mentioned above was listed in 2022, the general facts that are the bases for this high rating are still very much intact.

There are many explanations in the UN study as to why certain nations are happier than others. Certainly, for Israel there are many reasons. I have decided to focus my attention on the sense of community, friendship, and resilience. 

It’s true that at this time Israel is facing unique challenges, yet the resilience and sense of community among its people contribute to its happiness. Let’s explore some aspects of why Israelis remain positive even in difficult times.

Shared purpose and unity

Israelis often come together during national holidays, celebrations, and moments of crisis. The sense of unity and shared purpose fosters a strong bond among citizens.

Serving in the army is a common experience, creating connections that transcend backgrounds and social status.

Youth groups provide a strong friendship base and unifying experience for young people and foster the value of friendship.

Community and ‘hevra’

The Hebrew term “hevra” encapsulates the values of friendship and community. Israelis prioritize relationships with family, friends, and neighbors.

Whether through family gatherings, Shabbat dinners, or informal get-togethers, these connections provide emotional support.

Relationships formed in the army or Sherut Leumi (National Service) foster strong bonds because these are powerful experiences, and these bonds remain with many Israelis throughout life.

Aliyah

People who have moved to Israel often find themselves with others going through the same things. Very often, younger people and/or families connect to people having similar experiences and share the trials and tribulations of moving to a new country.

My wife and I certainly went through this in Haifa, where we began, and we became very good friends with other English speakers, forming our own friendship and support community. Many years later, we still maintain many of these friendships. 

Small country, strong bonds

Israel’s small size means that events – both joyful and tragic – affect almost everyone. The interconnectedness creates a sense of shared destiny.

Whether celebrating a national achievement or mourning a loss, Israelis stand together.

Miracles and gratitude

The recognition of miracles, both large and small, contributes to a positive outlook.

Gratitude for life, freedom, and the ability to thrive despite challenges reinforces happiness.

DURING THE past 10 months my wife and I, like many other Israelis, were on call to help our children and our grandchildren, since some of our family members were directly involved in the war. It’s easy to forget about yourself and your own needs.

Like many, we did our utmost to exercise and stay positive, and as therapists we have helped others to achieve the same. But during this crisis, we often neglected the need to get together with friends. 

Recently, we decided to take a break from family, and we invited a very special couple to our Shabbat dinner table. It was a wonderful evening, and my wife and I were very happy we did it.

The evening was a reminder of the importance of connecting with friends even during the difficulties we are all facing at this time. No doubt, maintaining friendships is one of the major secrets of our happiness in Israel.

My advice to others is to reach out and get together with friends – old ones and new ones. It will make you feel better and at least give you some control over an important emotional need during these tough days. 

The writer is a cognitive-behavioral psychotherapist treating adults and children, as well as couples. He sees clients in Ra’anana and at his clinic in Jerusalem. He can be contacted for consultations and/or scheduling online therapy. drmikegropper@gmail.com; facebook.com/drmikegropper