A US-born IDF reservist adjusts to family life now home from the war

Before Oct. 7, Michael – a 35-year-old married father of one – hadn’t seen any real military action for the best part of 12 years. 

Having been released from his army service as a lone soldier in the Paratroopers Brigade in 2010 and returning to the US for nine years, he could have been forgiven for assuming that his army days were largely behind him. Apart from the odd week of reserve duty here and there after he came back to Israel in 2019, he was free to get on with his life as an ordinary civilian. 

That is, until that dark day in October when his life took on new meaning. Like thousands of other reservists, Michael was immediately called upon to dust off his old uniform and serve his country in what would prove to be the most enduring and bloody war Israel has ever known: Operation Swords of Iron. 

From that moment, any plans regarding the new home into which he and his wife had just moved with their baby daughter took a back seat. Gone were the doubts about whether he should answer the call in light of the contentious judicial reform issues that had dominated the political landscape in the months prior. 

Although Michael, along with many others in his position, had been conflicted about whether to continue serving in reserves, “when that dark Shabbat arrived, I didn’t hesitate to put on my uniform and defend the country,” he stated. 

Driven by an overwhelming desire to “protect our country and our families,” he kissed his tearful wife and daughter goodbye before setting off on what would prove to be the most difficult and dangerous journey of his life.

“It was a very dramatic situation,” he said. “My daughter just started screaming ‘Abba!’” as his wife became frantic while he prepared to leave. 

“I felt I needed to be there, ideologically,” he told the Magazine just days after concluding three and a half grueling months. “My whole career [as a political adviser] had been to bring peace to Israel.”

His sense of obligation in the country’s hour of need kept him away from his young family for months at a particularly difficult time in their lives. His wife, pregnant with their second child, moved the family into their new home while slipping into the role of single mother.

“She dealt with everything in my absence,” he said with profound appreciation. “Overnight, she became a single parent dealing with everything, including the emotional aspects of having an absent spouse.”

It was his wife’s fortitude that encouraged him to carry on serving in Gaza. “The strength of the home base enables the soldiers to fight,” he stated. “If that breaks, it makes it extremely hard to carry on.”

Dealing with an absent husband is something that his wife managed admirably. This was not a business trip or a holiday with his friends. He was serving on the front lines in Gaza, where his unit – comprising men in their twenties and thirties, with a few in their forties and fifties – protected areas where IDF special forces operated. They witnessed horrific scenes, including many dead and seriously wounded soldiers. 

During that time, Michael returned home for a day on only three occasions. While it was a relief to be home, he found the visits slightly disorientating: “One day I’m being targeted by machine gunfire, and the next day I’m in Super-Pharm buying diapers.”

One of the hardest parts about coming home after weeks in Gaza was his daughter’s initial shyness when she saw him.

Nevertheless, these visits kept him going, not least because they allowed him to “hug and kiss” his family, albeit all too briefly, before heading back to the battlefield. 

Upon their final release from service on January 28, Michael and his comrades underwent a week-long period of decompression at the Dead Sea. They were advised how to spot the signs of post-traumatic stress disorder and how to deal with it, should it become a problem. 

The challenges of adjusting to civilian life

DESPITE THIS, adjusting to civilian life has had its challenges, particularly in the early days following his release. 

Not only has he had to deal with the physical toll that the war has taken on him, such as back pain, digestive problems, and fungal infections on his feet from wearing his boots around the clock (even when asleep), but he’s also had to deal with an array of significant emotional side effects. 

During that initial period, he said, he felt “overwhelmed by regular society,” coupled with absent-mindedness and short-term memory loss. Even the most basic tasks, such as making a peanut butter sandwich for his daughter, weren’t so straightforward. On one occasion, he left the peanut butter jar in the sink instead of putting it back in the fridge.  

Buying his daughter’s diapers also was a chore in the early days, as Michael struggled to remember even the most basic information, such as which brand she wears. Not wanting to succumb to his temporary lapse of memory, instead of calling his wife to ask her he went back and forth between Super-Pharm and Supersol in a desperate effort to jog his memory. “How can I succeed in Gaza and not in buying diapers?” he mused.

Remembering passwords was also a struggle, although that is something that afflicts most of us.

Happily, these problems are subsiding as the days and weeks pass and he becomes more attuned to civilian life. 

Being called up for reserve duty at a “transitional point” in his family’s life – a mere two days after moving into their new home – was another factor that made his readjustment more of a challenge. “I’ve lived in Gaza more than at home,” he said. 

With his wife now in the final weeks of her pregnancy, it’s a race against time to complete the renovations to their new house before the baby arrives. It’s all “pedal to the metal trying to get organized,” he said. “We have no time to rest.”

Easing back into his job as a political adviser has also been stressful for Michael, since his employment status is now uncertain. Although his contract expired at the end of 2023, by law his employers are mandated to keep him on for another 30 days after his return from Gaza. Naturally, looking for a new job at this tumultuous point in his life is the last thing he needs, and he is hoping to remain in his current position. 

Despite it all, Michael is overwhelmingly relieved to be home, as evidenced by his positive outlook and cheery disposition. His recent military service has given him a whole new perspective, he said. “I appreciate the little things; Gaza renewed that perspective,” and he said he no longer “sweats the small things.”

With a young family, a new home, and a baby on the way, Michael certainly deserves a break after all he’s been through in the past few months. 

Let’s hope he gets that break and that looking for a new job doesn’t become something else to add to his list of adjustments.  

Follow Michael in the Magazine as he navigates his way back into civilian life and awaits the birth of his second child.