A de facto single mom holds down fort while husband serves in Gaza

Becoming a single parent overnight is something that many women had to face in the immediate aftermath of the Oct. 7 massacre. With an 18-month-old daughter and another child on the way, Adi soon became one of them.

In the space of a few hours, her life was turned upside down as her beloved husband, Michael, an IDF reservist (whose adjustment to civilian life after over two months in Gaza can be followed in the Magazine), was wrenched from the bosom of her family, leaving her and their daughter, Maya, to cope without him.

Michael was called up to fight for his country on Oct. 7, while the Hamas attack was still going on. “Michael went on Oct. 7 when I was four months pregnant,” fashion designer Adi told the Magazine, adding that not only had Maya just started school, but the family had “just moved to a new place two days before the war.”

While struggling to manage on her own, Adi had to deal with the added burden of her daughter’s low mood after Michael left. “It really affected Maya – she became very down. She missed her father and didn’t understand why he was gone and she couldn’t talk to him.”

This not only “affected her eating and the way she interacted with kids,” but it also impacted her sleep. “She woke up calling her father; it was so sad,” – and it made the child extremely clingy, demanding “lots of cuddles.”

On the rare occasions when her father came home, Maya was wary, says her mother. “At first, she was suspicious, like ‘Are you really here?’”

As time went on, Adi felt compelled to explain the situation to her little daughter as best she could, telling her that her daddy was in the army.

Having to deal with a distressed toddler is something to which Adi quickly became accustomed. Before long, the two had become inseparable: “We were a team,” she said.

NEVERTHELESS, IT was tough for both of them. Maya’s repeated bouts of sickness, due to her being one of the youngest in her gan (nursery), only exacerbated the difficulties. No sooner had she started to “get involved” with the other kids, than she’d be off sick, Adi lamented.

On those days when Maya was home, but well enough to go out, Adi would take her to the park to see friends or go to visit Michael’s parents – who, despite their own fears and concerns for their son, tried their best to support them both and fill the gaping hole left by his absence.

Adi’s parents also stepped into the breach by opening their home to their daughter and granddaughter, who – apart from the odd night when Michael was back and they stayed in their own, half-finished house – moved in with them until he returned for good. The irony of going back to live with her parents with her daughter was not lost on Adi: “She stayed with me in my old room,” she laughed.

On a personal level, Adi found the situation in the country as a whole extremely difficult to deal with, not least because she didn’t have her husband to talk to. “It was so hard, as I couldn’t talk to Michael and I couldn’t bear to see the images and to read what happened.”

Every time his name was mentioned, “I cried my eyes out,” she said. “I was worried about him and upset about the country. It was so overwhelming, I couldn’t process it properly.”

Although she had her friends and family to talk to, they weren’t Michael, with whom she shares “the same state of mind.”

At times she felt like she wasn’t living, that “everything was on hold.”

Still, she tried to keep to a schedule despite her advancing pregnancy and increasing fatigue. “If not, I would have gone insane,” she explained.

Entering the third trimester

HEADING TOWARD her third trimester, Adi felt compelled to “nest.” But with their new home still under construction, that simply wasn’t possible. As with everything else, the war put paid to any ideas that she had about getting everything sorted before the new baby arrived, due to a severely depleted workforce.

Being a pregnant single mother also presented Adi with some other difficult challenges. Although Michael had been by her side throughout her first pregnancy, accompanying her to all of the scans and appointments, this time she had to go it alone.

“Every decision was on me; the entire pregnancy was on me,” she said. “It was so difficult.”

By the end, Adi was so fed up that she actually contacted Michael’s commander, imploring him to let her husband come home so he could go with her to the all-important final examination. Thankfully, he agreed, and the expectant parents were reunited for this momentous event.

Although Adi managed to get in touch with her husband’s commander when it really mattered, staying in touch with her husband while he was serving in Gaza was almost impossible. 

With no access to his phone, the two turned to old-fashioned romance, writing letters to each other, using the logistics supply runs as their conduit. This way, Adi was able to keep Michael up to date with news from back home, including how her pregnancy was progressing and how their daughter was coping. Her letters were accompanied by photographs to help him feel connected. While it took two weeks for Michael’s replies from the front lines to arrive, when they did they made her day!

FINALLY, THE day arrived when Michael told Adi he was coming home for good. “I was thrilled,” she said excitedly, reliving that moment. “I thank God every day he’s back,” she gushed.

However, as Michael recently told the Magazine, he’s having some difficulty adjusting to civilian life, something which is not lost on his wife: “I can see he’s not clear in his head, cutting off and not really here. He’s been through a lot, [going] from being alert 24/7 to making his daughter’s food.”

The physical toll that months in Gaza have taken on Michael concerns her too, although thus far she hasn’t been able to convince him to see a doctor.

Michael has also had to adjust to the fact that when he left his wife on Oct. 7, she was only four months pregnant. He missed many of the milestones of her pregnancy, returning when she was only weeks away from giving birth. “He didn’t get a chance to see me throughout the pregnancy,” she said. “When he finally came back, the realization that they were going to have another baby “took him by surprise.” Michael also missed many of his daughter’s early milestones, such as using more words and so on, she said.

Despite everything, Adi emphasized, their feelings for each other haven’t been diminished by the forced separation.

“We love each other,” she said, simply. 