Israel at war: One brother married, the other missing - interview

How does a father celebrate his injured son’s wedding, while his other son is missing in action, as result of the Hamas massacre on October 7? That’s exactly what Rabbi Doron Perez, the head of the World Mizrachi Movement, felt on Tuesday evening, when he celebrated his son Yonatan's wedding amid a cloud of concern for his other son, Daniel, who remains missing after the battle with Hamas during Operation Swords of Iron. In an exclusive interview with The Jerusalem Post, Perez opened up about the bittersweet emotions that have consumed his family during this trying time. 

Yonatan, visiting with his fiancée, heeded the call to arms when his military commander urgently summoned anyone with a weapon to Sderot. He embarked on a perilous journey, fighting relentlessly for hours against terrorists. 

Despite being lightly injured, Yonatan emerged as a hero, participating in the rescue of 20 women soldiers and the successful elimination of the terrorists. Perez marveled at the miraculous nature of his son's injury, a bullet entering and exiting his leg without causing major damage. 

Daniel, who served as a platoon commander in the armor brigade, up until last Saturday, was also in combat: His tank went missing during the same battle. The family faced an agonizing wait, only learning of the tank's discovery days later. The tank's crew had sustained casualties, with one soldier killed – Tomer Leibovich – and three others, including Daniel, still unaccounted for. 

Asked how one balances happiness with concern, pain, and anxiety, Perez answered: “Managing such emotions is not straightforward. I've never been in such a situation, and honestly, one can never truly predict their reactions until faced with [such a] reality. As a community rabbi and school head in South Africa, I've worked with numerous families dealing with tragedies and losses, whether from crime, accidents, or natural causes. 

“Watching these individuals navigate their grief has taught me that challenges often reveal the core of a person. Yet, nothing truly prepares you when the situation hits close to home,” he shared – with a surprisingly deep sense of optimism and belief in the unity of the people of Israel.  

A multitude of emotions

“Although it's been only ten days since the incident, I've come to realize a few things,” he continued. “It is possible to experience genuine happiness amidst pain. My wife and I, despite the sadness looming in the background, genuinely enjoyed our son’s wedding. The sadness was always there, like faint background music. The officiating rabbi mentioned Daniel, and that moment was incredibly poignant, bringing tears to our eyes. However, we managed to move from that sorrow back into celebration. So it is possible.” 

Yet Perez also asked to use this platform in order to spread positive messages of hope: “There is hope,” he stated. “We're not confronting a final tragedy but are instead holding onto the possibility of a positive outcome. We, as Jewish people, have always been a community of hope and faith. Our history and belief system reinforce the idea that things unfold as per God's will. 

“Even in trying times, we've always maintained our hope,” he said. “Experiencing this situation has made me realize that these aren't mere clichés but are foundational truths that have carried countless Jews through far worse trials than we're undergoing.” 

Perez pointed out that we all experience interruptions in life, especially during major life events like weddings. The core of such events is hope, and we have hope. “Weddings are a testament to our belief in a bright future, similar to our hope that our son will, God willing, return to us safely,” he said. 

“As I grow older, I've come to recognize the complexities and contradictions inherent in human and Jewish life. We often juggle contrasting beliefs, feelings, and traits simultaneously. For instance, can one be both a learned man, engrossed in sacred texts, and simultaneously be a fierce warrior? Life is a balance between being tough and soft, being controlled and unrestrained. Holding on to such conflicting views and behaviors has been challenging, but it's a challenge we all must navigate,” Perez said. 

“The wedding had its difficult moments, but with God's grace, we managed to get through. This experience reiterated that life is a blend of joy and sorrow, and we must learn to navigate both with grace."

The rabbi shared his uncertainty regarding Daniel's fate, acknowledging the likelihood that he may have been captured in Gaza. Despite the grim situation, he remained hopeful that his son was only lightly injured and receiving care. The family's emotional rollercoaster was further compounded by the decision to proceed with Yonatan's wedding amid the uncertainty. 

Perez concluded with a message of hope and unity, sharing his belief that even in the face of adversity, the strength of the Israeli nation shines through. He encouraged everyone to continue praying for Daniel and all the missing soldiers, emphasizing the power of collective prayer. 

"We believe in life, we yearn for life; we believe and pray for things to rejoice about, God willing," he concluded.  

The Jerusalem Post and OneFamily are working together to help support the victims of the Hamas massacre and the soldiers of Israel who have been drafted to ensure that it never happens again.