Supporting bereaved families after Oct. 7: Koby Mandell Foundation rises to occasion

Twenty-three years ago, almost to the day, two teenage boys, Koby Mandell and Yosef Ishran, were murdered in one of the most brutal terrorist attacks Israel had ever seen.

As the nation reeled in the aftermath of the attack, Koby’s parents, Rabbi Seth and Sherri Mandell, did something extraordinary.

The goals of the organization

 They set up The Koby Mandell Foundation to help “bereaved mothers, fathers, widows, orphans, and siblings to rebuild their lives and create meaning out of suffering.”

Based in Israel, the foundation helps all families, regardless of the circumstances surrounding their losses or their levels of religious observance.

Koby’s younger sister, Eliana Mandell Braner, who was just 10 at the time of her brother’s murder, now runs the organization in place of her parents.

In an exclusive interview with The Jerusalem Post, she described how she and her family have been coping since the Hamas attack on October 7 and how the foundation has dealt with the significant increase in the number of people needing help afterward.

“We were all thrown back to our own trauma,” she began, tentatively, adding that her husband was also called up for reserve duty, which significantly exacerbated her anguish. 

Consequently, the whole family moved back to her parents for a week, so they could all be together.

“It took us a while to realize that we’d all been thrown back into our own trauma,” she repeated. “Before October 7,” she went on, “Koby’s murder was one of the most shocking, and now it’s not.”Now, tragically, as we all know, it’s just one of thousands.

Since its inception back in 2001, the foundation has run weeklong summer camps and shorter camps during Hanukkah and Passover for bereaved children.

Composing the main body of its work, these camps, “Camp Koby & Yosef,” which are divided into age groups and staffed by counselors, have provided much-needed support for almost 3,000 youngsters to date. Separate support groups for women, couples, and families are also provided.

Since the Hamas attack on October 7, Eliana and her team have done their utmost to support the victims’ families. 

First, they set up special support groups in which “bereaved mothers and widows meet once a week to process the trauma,” she explained, adding that new programs are formed all the time to cater to the growing needs of a nation in trauma.

Previously bereaved families have played a key role in this, meeting with newly bereaved families on a regular basis to help in any way they can. 

“Bereaved families visit other bereaved families, to help them with what they need,” she expanded.Difficult questions, such as whether children should go to a funeral (“Yes, they should,” Eliana stated emphatically), are also openly addressed at these meetings. Getting support and advice from families who have previously suffered a loss is particularly helpful, as they understand each other better. There are no awkward questions and nothing is off-limits.

The foundation also offers practical assistance for displaced families who have lost their homes, as well as those who, tragically, couldn’t bury their loved ones.

The main focus is on bereavement support. However, Eliana stressed, with new retreats providing help for everyone, including “newly bereaved mothers, widows, couples, orphans, and so on.”

The first retreat hosted 12 people, and the number has steadily risen as the months have dragged on. That number now stands at 30, which Eliana confirmed is the most they could effectively handle.

A “day of healing,” with massages, art therapy, and a healing circle, provides the newly bereaved with some respite. We want “to provide them with a place to relax,” she stated.

For one mother, who lost her son on October 7, the retreat has been a lifesaver, as Eliana discovered, much to her relief, when she received the following message: “Eliana, I want you to know that there have been times when I wake up and I don’t want to be alive. Three days after the retreat, I was okay,” the once-distraught mother revealed.

This year, the 600 regular campers, aged eight to 18, who attend the summer camp each year, will be joined by 200 children who lost a loved one on October 7, or since.

As usual, the camp will be divided into age groups and staffed by trained counselors, many of whom have themselves been bereaved and benefited from help provided by the organization.

So far, these camps have provided much-needed support for almost 3,000 youngsters.Most of those involved in the foundation had already experienced trauma through bereavement before October 7.

Some have suffered “significant setbacks” since then and “are having a hard time,” Eliana confirmed. A few were even “shaken to the core,” to the point where they “couldn’t even come out of their houses.”

Thankfully, not all have suffered so greatly, instead turning their own grief into something positive. “Some have risen to the occasion and now see their calling is to help the newly bereaved.”

The very fact of helping others, Eliana believes, “allows them not to sink into themselves.”

Since October 7, the foundation has reached 250 families, “but there are so many more,” Eliana lamented. Getting the word out about the help it can provide for people of all ages and from all backgrounds is a challenge. 

Social media, including Facebook and WhatsApp groups, have played an important role, as has word of mouth, but they’re not enough to reach all those in need, she said. Quite simply, more people need to know that she and her team are there for them.

“Our work speaks for itself,” Eliana said. “Once they know they can trust us, they come back.”

For more information about the programs on offer, how to seek help if you or anyone you know needs it, and how to donate, visit: kobymandell.org