IDFWO’s mission: No Israeli widow or orphan ever stands alone

Israel’s reality is intertwined with war and loss, and in the midst of it all, the nonprofit IDF Widows and Orphans Organization (IDFWO) is making sure that no parent or child of any of Israel’s heroes feels alone after receiving the worst news of all.

For the past nine years, chairwoman Tami Shelach has led the IDFWO, enabling her to transform a personal tragedy into the mission of standing by, and taking care of, the families of the fallen. As Shelach recalls the harrowing early days of the 1973 Yom Kippur War, her voice remains steady: “I was married to a fighter pilot,” she begins, detailing a life marked by constant relocation to various military bases. Her husband, the commander of a combat squadron, was at the forefront when the war erupted on that fateful Saturday morning.

“A young soldier went from house to house, instructing the families to pack their belongings and be ready to evacuate,” she recounts. “I asked that they evacuate me and my young children to my parents’ home, together with another squadron commander’s wife, with her three children.

“On the fourth day of the war,” Shelach continues, “A car pulls up, and a senior officer from the Air Force approaches.” The officer delivered the news that every military spouse dreads: Her husband, Udi, was missing.Six months passed before his body was recovered and brought back to Israel for burial. Added to her loss, Shelach had to leave her IDF housing unit and begin anew.

Despite her immense grief, she managed to move on, build a new life, and remarry. She raised a generation of pilots with her second husband. “I had to sign a form stating that I allowed them to undertake combat duty,” she explains. Children of bereaved families must acquire the remaining parent’s consent to be recruited into a combat unit.

“I think, since my children did not know their father, that this was their way of knowing him, through his role in the army. They could learn to speak his language and think the way he did.”Her children succeeded in becoming fighter pilots, and the aviator lineage is upheld by their children, Shelach’s grandchildren. This personal history of resilience and adaptation laid the foundation for Shelach’s deep commitment to IDFWO, first as a member, then as a volunteer, and eventually as a leader.

“THE IDFWO has been in existence since 1991, that is 33 years,” she says.  “Our organization is committed to providing comprehensive social, emotional, and financial support to the families of those who have made the ultimate sacrifice in defense of Israel. The IDFWO provides economic support by supplementing limited government funding with additional healthcare and education stipends; it builds community through more than 30 programs designed to support social and emotional recovery; and it serves as a government advocate, pushing for enhanced policies and comprehensive family care,” Shelach explains, taking great pride in the organization.

At the start of her involvement, Shelach found a calling in the Widow for a Widow program, which had her visiting other widows in their homes. “When a widow visits another widow, the conversation flows in a completely different way,” Shelach says. “I am not their social worker; I am not their caregiver. Every word the widow says, I understand her, and she understands me.”

For many years, Shelach was a cornerstone of the program, often taking on twice as many visits as assigned. In two cases, she escorted widows to their chemotherapy appointments, providing them with a level of support that allowed their children to carry on their lives without interruption. Her particular dedication to these two women, who, sadly, succumbed to their illnesses, highlights the profound impact of peer support in times of immense personal hardship.

After years of grassroots involvement, Shelach ascended to the position of chairwoman of IDFWO, a role she has held for eight years. “My second term was supposed to end this month,” she says, “but the war postponed the elections, so I continue to hold this position until next Passover.”

THE JOB’S challenges intensified in many ways after Oct. 7, with a dramatic increase in the number of orphans and widows. “Since Oct. 7, almost 600 orphans and 250 widows have joined our community,” Shelach painfully reports. This surge has necessitated a reevaluation of how the organization operates in order to meet the diverse needs of these new families.

“We have lots of widows who have been left childless,” she says, gently going over the intricacies of the new group that has joined the organization. “Young women who got married a month or two before the war, and did not even have time to change their status on their identity cards before their husbands were mobilized and killed. And now they will be listed as widows.”

This tragic statistic is joined by another as Shelach also recounts her meeting with over 30 pregnant widows who lost their husbands in the Gaza war. “Some of them have already given birth,” she says, “and some are still pregnant.” In response to this situation, the IDFWO created the Letzidech (By Your Side) program to support and escort them throughout their pregnancies and giving birth.

SHELACH ALSO poignantly mentions widows from previous wars: “They, too, were severely shaken by Oct. 7. This war took them back to their own personal wars.” Not leaving a soul standing alone, Shelach travels extensively, even to high-risk areas, to visit new widows and orphans and ensure that they feel the organization’s support. “I have to see them,” she says, “and visit each and every one of them.”

In addition to various emergency responses to Oct. 7, IDFWO offers a variety of curated resources, services, and programs to ensure that their members’ comprehensive needs are met, and will be for the rest of their lives. Recently, a group of bar and bat mitzvah-aged orphaned boys and girls traveled to the United States and Canada for three weeks, staying with host families and attending camps.

Over Hannukah, the organization’s flagship program, Otzma, which is centered around four annual camps intended for orphan participants aged six to 18, expanded to include widows with younger children.“We invited all the new widows to Hanokdim Farm near Arad, since we were looking for the safest, most isolated place possible,” she explains, “and we had a four-day camp there for adults and children.”

She says that they had hired kindergarten teachers to come along and take care of the toddlers and babies, thus allowing the mothers a few hours to themselves, to grieve and heal in support groups. The camp not only offers respite but also fosters a supportive community, critical for healing and resilience.

As it continues to make a significant impact, IDFWO strives to overcome the numerous challenges that its members face, particularly in the realm of legal and financial support. Although recognized by Israel’s government, the IDFWO is a wholly independent organization. Shelach passionately discusses the need for legislative changes to better support the families of fallen soldiers.

“For example, in the case of a family in which the fallen soldier left behind four children, two of whom are over the age of 21, those over 21 are not recognized as IDF orphans today.” This oversight, rooted in outdated laws, fails to account for the ongoing impact of such a loss on older children.

The organization also advocates for better financial support for widows, many of whom live on meager pensions. “The allowances should reflect the fact that such affect not only the income the spouse contributed to the home but also the income that they could have brought in,” Shelach argues. The IDFWO strives to ensure that these families receive adequate compensation to be able to live dignified lives, and continuously lobbies to improve the rights of orphans and widows.

Of course, together with these challenges is the need to provide proper care for the surge of new widows and orphans who have joined the IDFWO fold since Oct. 7. The organization works tirelessly to expand its resources and services to ensure that every single family gets the support it needs for as long as necessary.

Along with her immense compassion for the older generation of widows, Shelach has deep admiration for the newest group. “They are so strong,” she says, recalling a visit to a pregnant widow with six children, a teacher, who told her about her husband’s heroism and strength: “I don’t know who was stronger – him or her – but I think his heroism was also hers. And these are the widows of today.

“I salute this generation,” Shelach says. “Really, but we have to help them. I feel that they have not yet digested their new titles. They are still in their first year, and it is very difficult.”The organization’s efforts, driven by compassion and a deep understanding of its members’ needs, provide a lifeline to those navigating the aftermath of war.n “We want to give them the feeling that we are their forever home,” Shelach concludes. “We just need to be allowed to be.”

The IDFWO’s comprehensive support and advocacy are a lifeline for families navigating immense loss. Its mission is to provide immediate aid and become a home for these families, contributing to their cause, joining in a legacy of compassion and strength, and helping ensure that every single widow and orphan feels supported, understood, and never alone.

This article was written in collaboration with the IDFWO.