Shlomi Nahumson and Tami Shelach: Leading the IDF Widows and Orphans Organization

Founded in 1991, the IDF Widows and Orphans Organization (IDFWO) is the only organization providing for the support of IDF widows and veterans that is recognized by the State of Israel as an official representative organization. The organization provides assistance to more than 4,000 widows and 13,000 orphans of all ages.

This writer recently spoke with  CEO Shlomi Nahumson and Chairwoman Tami Shelach to discuss the organization’s goals and objectives and the steps it has taken since the beginning of the war on October 7.

“Being a widow or an orphan,” says Shlomi Nahumson, “ is not something that ends after the shiva or after thirty days, or even after a decade. It stays with you for a lifetime.” Nahumson, who has been with the organization for fourteen years and is in his third year as its CEO, explains that one of the key principles of the organization is remembrance – not only of those who have fallen, but perhaps, even more significantly, of their families. “They continue to live with their loss, and we need to remember and support them.”

Tami Shelach, IDFWO chairwoman, echoes Nahumson’s words, explaining that “We want to help the widows and orphans to the best of our ability and be with them wherever they need us. We are their home for their entire lives.” Shelach says that recently married brides became widows even before they were able to change their status on their Israeli ID cards from single to married. 

Shelach is the widow of the late Lt. Col. Udi Shelah, who was killed serving as a fighter pilot and commander of a fighter squadron in the Yom Kippur War. Tami and Udi established three generations of fighter pilots, the youngest of whom serves in the same squadron his grandfather commanded. Tami works day and night as a full-time volunteer with tireless dedication to the widow and orphan community.

“My husband was killed on the fourth day of the Yom Kippur War,” she recalls. “Initially, we didn’t know what had happened. He was missing for six months until the Egyptians found his body, and he was buried in Israel. We had two sons, ages seven and four, at the time. The children did not remember much of their father.”  

Since the beginning of the war, Tami has been working days at the IDFWO offices and traveling to visit families in the evenings. “I go everywhere to meet the widows and give them whatever they need,” she explains. “They want to hear my personal story. It gives them hope when they see that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I want to show them that it is possible to survive and continue.” Shelach points to two large bags filled with gifts in the corner of her office. “Tomorrow, I am going to visit a pregnant widow who will be giving birth in two months. I will be bringing these gifts, as well as vouchers for a crib and stroller and everything that she will need.” Shelach readily admits that many times, when she arrives at the home of an IDF widow and her children, expecting to provide strength and encouragement, she herself emerges strengthened from her encounter. “When I  meet with these widows, I see a new generation. I return strengthened after meeting with them.”

In the wake of the events of October 7, IDFWO, together with the Defense Ministry, launched the ‘Letzidech’ (Beside You) project – a beacon of support for the pregnant widows of soldiers who made the ultimate sacrifice. The Letzidech project is tailored to address the unique needs of these women during one of the most significant periods of their lives: pregnancy, childbirth, and the early stages of motherhood. It provides emotional, medical, and practical support that nurtures both the widow and her unborn child. From prenatal care to counseling services, the program ensures that no widow walks this journey alone.

Shlomi Nahumson explains that the program provides two midwives to each pregnant widow throughout the pregnancy to provide emotional and physical support. “We’re also covering any expense that is related to the pregnancy, including examination, circumcision, as well as other expenses, like a grant for the first few months to hire someone to help clean the house or help with the other children. We try to identify every need in this period and to provide an answer to every need,” he adds.

Another program recently begun by the IDFWO is one in support of widows without children– young women who either recently married or lived with their spouses without getting married. Nahumson explains that while widows with children need to step up to take care of their children, those widows without children do not have that need and “can fall into the depths.”  

One of the key components of the IDFWO message, explains Nahumson, is about establishing relationships with widows and orphans. “We have a relationship with the widow and with the orphan. We aim to understand what they’re going through and provide an answer to the needs that they meet along the way.” 

Until the Swords of Iron War, much of the work done at IDFWO was in maintaining existing relationships with the thousands of widows and orphans. The tragic events of October 7 and the ongoing war have required the organization to begin to establish mass relationships quickly with the thousands of people who have been affected.

“Like any other relationship,” he relates, “you need to make a good impression. You need to present and you need to be attentive.”

One of the most important activities operated by the organization is its Otzma program for orphans from ages 6-18, anchored around four annual camps held during Sukkot, Hanukkah, and Passover, as well as the summer vacation.

These camps provide a community where participants process their loss together, create positive experiences, develop resilience, and support one another. Nahumson says that the camp that was held during the Sukkot vacation before October 7 included 70 participants.

The most recent camps, held this summer, accommodated 300 participants, and he says soberly, “the potential is a lot larger.” Before October 7, IDFWO had twelve full-time employees and between 150 and 200 volunteers. Today, the organization has 18 people on staff and 400 volunteers.

Each year, at the beginning of the school year, IDFWO provides school supplies to orphans. This year, the number of school supplies was far greater. “We gave thirty backpacks to orphans beginning the first grade. The backpacks were packed with all of the school supplies that they needed,” says Shelach.

She notes that while the organization’s emphasis today is understandably focused on new widows and orphans created by the Swords of Iron War, the population of older widows and orphans cannot be neglected. Aging widows whose husbands sacrificed their lives for their country should be able to live their lives honorably and not in poverty. As such, Shelach advocates that the pensions they receive should be increased.

Children of fallen soldiers who became orphaned after age 21, according to the current Knesset law written in 1950, she adds, are not eligible for any benefits as orphans, and orphans who begin their university studies after age 30 are not eligible for free tuition. These are examples of laws that the IDFWO is lobbying to be changed.

As our interview comes to a close, both Tami Shelach and Shlomi Nahumson consider the future directions of IDFWO. “It has been a year since October 7,” notes Nahumson, “and it is an opportunity to reflect upon what we’ve done we’ve done. It’s almost in reverse, shifting from creating relationships to making and improving them to ensure they are sustainable over the long term – setting aside funds for orphans that have been born to give them scholarships in 20 years and strengthening our ability to continue embracing widows and orphans that we just accepted into our community, not only for the next few years but for the rest of their lives. We need it as a society. We believe that we are the emissaries of the entire Jewish people to care for these children and their mothers. We are hoping to strengthen our abilities to continue to improve the way we embrace these families for the rest of their lives.”