Born into tragedy: A war widow’s unimaginable journey of loss, survival, and hope

Ela Chaimi of Kibbutz Nir Yitzhak embodies both the harrowing grief and enduring resilience of Israel's war widows.

A survivor of the October 7 massacre, she recently gave birth to her fourth child while her husband Tal’s body remains a hostage in Gaza. Still an evacuee, unable to return home, Ela's story captures the profound anguish, tragedy, and glimmers of hope that have defined this past year. She symbolizes the personal cost of conflict and the extraordinary strength required to rebuild a future amidst unimaginable loss and uncertainty.

Kibbutz Nir Yitzhak, located in the northwestern Negev, was established in December 1949 and was named for Palmach commander Yitzhak Sadeh. The kibbutz, just three kilometers from Rafah, is affiliated with the Hashomer Hatzair youth movement, and has a population of just over 500 residents. Potatoes, carrots, radishes, peanuts, flower bulbs, wheat, dairy cows, and chickens are among the products produced on the kibbutz, and there are several private entrepreneurial enterprises on the kibbutz. 

Ela and Tal were longtime residents of the kibbutz. Tal, whose parents were among its founders, worked as a mechanical engineer at the Raviv Revel factory. Ela was also born on the kibbutz and worked in the human resources division of the Tara Dairy. “We grew up together on the kibbutz,” recalls Ela. “We were together since kindergarten, and we became a couple when I was eighteen and Tal was nineteen.”

Until October 7, Nir Yitzhak, like many of the kibbutzim in the Gaza Envelope, was known for its idyllic, peaceful atmosphere, green lawns, trees, and flowers. At 6:30 AM on that fateful Shabbat morning, the early morning quiet was shattered when the booms of the Iron Dome missile defense system were heard, neutralizing incoming missiles from the Gaza Strip. Ela was in the second month of her pregnancy and wanted to remain in bed – they were accustomed to the sounds –  but Tal felt that something was awry and insisted that she go to the safe room of their home, together with their three children – ten-year-old twins and a seven-year-old. 

Shortly thereafter, a battalion of Hamas terrorists attacked the kibbutz. Tal, a member of the kibbutz security squad, was notified of the invasion and left their home to deal with the emergency. After Tal departed, Ela locked and barricaded the front door. 

At 8:30 that morning, Ela called Tal, and he said that he was ok, but had no time to speak. She sat for hours that morning in the safe room with her children. At noon, Ela sent Tal a WhatsApp message, but it was not received. The terrorists went from home to home but did not attempt to enter their home, which was especially fortunate, since the lock on their safe room door was broken.

The emergency squad of the kibbutz bravely fought the Hamas invaders, while kibbutz residents remained locked in the safe rooms of their homes for more than 14 hours without access to water, food, or sanitation.

Ela’s worries about Tal continued to mount throughout the day. “During those hours,” says Ela, “I started to think that I didn’t know what was going on with Tal. Our families, our friends – everything is going to be changed.”

The IDF did not arrive at the kibbutz until late afternoon, after the Hamas terrorists had left. Two members of the kibbutz’s security team and one IDF soldier were killed on the day of the attack. Four other security team members were declared missing and were presumed abducted.

Seven residents of Nir Yitzhak were taken captive. Two elderly hostages, Moshe and Diana Rosen, refused to go with their captors and were miraculously released before crossing into Gaza. Three additional hostages were released during the 2023 exchange of Israeli hostages for Palestinian prisoners. The final two – Fernando Simon Marman and Luis Herr –  were freed by the IDF in a targeted mission, entitled Operation Golden Hand, in February 2024. 

When the members of the security squad returned on the afternoon of October 7, Ela asked them about her husband, but they didn’t reply. “Then I started to be afraid,” she recalls. That evening, she learned that Tal was missing.

The location of his phone had been tracked to Khan Younis in the Gaza Strip. 

Ela realized that Tal most likely had been kidnapped. She broke the news to her parents, as well as to Tal’s father and sister. She also told them about her pregnancy. Ela showed her children a map of the Gaza Strip and told them their father was there. 

Ela and her children and the kibbutz residents spent the night in the children’s house on the kibbutz, guarded by IDF soldiers.  

Together with other kibbutz members, they were initially evacuated to a hotel in Eilat before moving to another hotel on Kibbutz Eilot, near the Jordanian border. 

Ela began to build a daily routine for her and the children in the hotel. She told them about her pregnancy, which made them very happy. “All of us were sure that Tal would come back and he would be with us in the exciting moments of the birth.” For two months, Tal was classified as missing. “During those two months,” she recalls, “there was uncertainty but also hope. We believed he was alive.” However, in mid-December, the IDF announced that Tal had been killed on October 7 by Hamas terrorists and that his body had been taken to Gaza, along with that of another resident of Nir Yitzhak. 

“It was very, very, very sad,” says Ela. “It broke my heart, and it broke my life. It was terrible news, but it was a kind of relief. The hope ended at that moment, but I stopped worrying about him, and I felt relief. It was the first night I could sleep and the first time I could breathe, because I knew that this was the end of the story.”

Ela and the family held a funeral with an empty coffin in Kibbutz Revivim and sat Shiva in the hotel. She says that they conducted these mourning rituals in order to give the children a sense of closure, but ultimately, they caused the children to ask more questions. “They started to ask, ‘How can someone be dead if there is no body?’ I understood that they were still stuck in that place. I can understand that he is dead, but they can’t. We need to give Tal the honor he deserves, to bury him in the kibbutz that he protected, with the family that he loves, and we must bring him back. We will not be able to rebuild our lives until he will be here with us. We need a lot of help to bring him back and to bring back the other hostages. It’s really too long.”

‘Representatives from the IDF Widows and Orphans Organization contacted Ela after she had received the bitter news that Tal had been murdered. Throughout her pregnancy, IDFWO staff accompanied her, providing solutions to her status, both as a widow, and as an evacuee. 

The IDFWO was there for Ela during the pregnancy and labor. Their program for pregnant widows is called ‘Letzidech,’ which means ‘by your side.’ “This is exactly what it is, “says Ela. “It’s before the birth and throughout the pregnancy. You can go to any hospital, use any doctor you want, and not worry about the money. You just need to think about yourself and your baby. I didn’t need to worry about any bureaucracy.” Ela was assigned her special room for the birth and delivery and was assisted by a midwife. 

“After the birth,” she continues, “when you come back home or, in my case, to the hotel, you get everything you need. If you need help with cleaning or anything else day and night, they provide it – it is one less thing to worry about.”  

On May 1, Ela gave birth to a boy at Beilinson Hospital in Tel Aviv. The baby was named Lotan. “We searched for a name that contained the letters in Tal’s name, and also as a tribute to the region where we lived during our evacuation,” she says. 

Recalling the brit milah ceremony, Ela says, “I felt that I needed to celebrate any happy occasion, because we have had many sad occasions, like funerals and memorial meetings. I wanted to celebrate and make it as big as possible in my family tradition. I brought very good food, and I brought some activities for the kids. But I needed help because I could not do it by myself. The IDFWO really helped me with the brit. They were attentive to my needs, provided midwives,), and provided specific responses to our needs.” 

Ela and her four children are now living on Kibbutz Mashabei Sadeh in the Negev and are planning to return to Nir Yitzhak at the end of the current school year. 

Her three older children have had to adjust to their new lives without a father, and the IDFWO has helped. “The kids didn’t come back to their regular lives. We are not in the same kibbutz, they are not in the same school, but they have a lot of issues. They need to be close to me most of the time.

Ela and her children participated in IDFWO’s Otzma camps, held for orphans ages 6-18 during Sukkot, Hanukkah, and Passover, as well as during the summer vacation.

“We attended two Otzma camps,” says Ela. “The first one was during Passover in Kfar Hanokdim, and the second one was in Paphos in Cyprus.” Meeting the entire group at the airport was a powerful experience for Ela and the children.

 “In the beginning,” she continues, “it was hard for the kids, because there were new people and new kids they didn’t know. But after a few days, they met new friends. The counselors, who themselves are orphans of IDF personnel, understand the challenges her children are facing.  They give children the feeling that they are among equals. They don’t have to explain anything to their fellow campers because everyone understands,” says Ela. “They have invested a great deal of effort in the camp. It has taken time for the children to develop in the camp, but once it happens, it is tremendously worthwhile.”

She adds that the camp experience was beneficial for her as well. “When I was in the camp, they brought the widows to sit together and talk and be together. This gave us the feeling that we were part of the community. This is very important. When you don’t feel alone, it makes me stronger.

“My life is very busy now,” admits Ela. Recently, the IDFWO helped Ela arrange for a night nurse to help with Lotan so that she could sleep through the nights. “The beginning of the school year is not easy for me or my children and it enabled me to be more present for my children.”

Raising four children on her own is difficult. “Four kids and one parent. It’s very hard. I’m so busy and tired all the time. I’m exhausted, plus there’s the baby. My kids lost everything they believed in the world. They now just have me, their friends, and their family. I miss Tal’s hands because I need his help. I miss someone to talk with, to get his advice, to think together. Someone that can help you when you need.” Ela is considering a possible return to work when she completes her maternity leave, depending on how the children are managing with their studies. Ela realizes that her connections with the IDF Widows and Orphans organization will be permanent, and she is grateful for their help. “The organization is going to be with me until the kids will grow up and probably for the rest of my life. They will be with me hand in hand, because every year we have more challenges and needs, so they are going to be with me forever.  

To know that the organization is with me gives me relief and hope, to be a part of a community, and to know that I am not alone.”

Ela adds that her children also feel reassured knowing that IDFWO is supporting and helping them. “The kids know how I see the organization, and I think they will take this with them for the rest of their lives. I think people should support the organization because what it does differentiates us from our enemies. We believe in life, we believe in friendship, we believe in help, in community, and when we have an organization that puts widows and orphans front and center, you know that these are our values.”