Purim Shpiel: Arye Deri appointed Israeli Supreme Court chief justice

Unable to resolve the issue of how Arye Deri could return to government to lead a ministry, Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has decided to bump Deri upstairs and make him the chief justice of the Supreme Court.

Deri, who is set to be both the first haredi and first convicted felon to be awarded a judge’s seat, was given the unprecedented position following a special closed-door meeting of the Judicial Selection Committee – one so exclusive that even the committee members were locked outside of it. 

Being kicked upstairs: Israel's first haredi, criminal judge

“I am sure that Arye’s unique insight, gained from experience in courtrooms unmatched by any other lawmaker, besides me, will be extremely beneficial to Israel’s judiciary,” said Netanyahu before sharing a victory cigar with his longtime political colleague.

“I am pleased to be awarded this seat that I have spent so many years in my career standing on the opposite side of,” Deri said in an interview from his limousine. “I’ve spent so much time dealing with the courts that I’m probably a better expert on the law than anyone else in this country.”

Current Chief Justice Esther Hayut wasn’t reachable for comment and hasn’t been seen in public for many days, leading observers to state that she wasn’t on board with the change.

Justice Minister Yariv Levin refused to comment to The Jerusalem Roast, amid reports that he was seen blinking a morse code message of distress.

As of press time, reports have begun to emerge that Deri was mulling some major legislative changes, in particular, Israel’s bribery laws.