Purim Shpiel: Regev to fix traffic by driving Tel Aviv-J’lem shuttle bus

In a bid she claims will “100% solve” Israel’s massive traffic and transportation crisis, Transportation Minister Miri Regev has decided to leave politics for a new career: driving a shuttle bus from Jerusalem to Tel Aviv.

“The shuttle bus is the perfect solution,” Regev said at a press conference, where she stood dressed in cargo pants and a polo shirt with the Egged bus company logo. “There are massive traffic jams on the Tel Aviv-Jerusalem highway. I’m going to put my money where my mouth is and start driving people so they can leave their cars at home.”

Highly trained from her years in the IDF, Regev said that she will operate the shuttle service round the clock, sleeping in 15-minute intervals on the side of the road. The route will be constant, from Dudu’s makolet in the Givat Mordechai neighborhood of Jerusalem to 7-Eleven at Dizengoff Center.

Since the bus can only hold 14 passengers, the cost of the shuttle will be NIS 275. However, Regev said she’s throwing in a free Slurpee for each traveler.

Miri Regev left with Egged on her face

When queried how commuters would get to Dudu’s, Regev exploded, calling the reporter a “vessel of the disloyal opposition” and bellowing, “Can’t they all just drive their Mercedes Benzes like everyone else?”

“She was left with Egged on her face,” quipped one member of the press. 

So far, nobody has stepped up to replace Regev as the transportation minister, with one inside source quoting Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu as saying, “What, we have public transportation? I had no idea.”