Purim Shpiel: Israel has over 4m. cats amid meows for binational state
Purim Shpiel: The following is a satirical article from The Jerusalem Post's annual parodic Purim page, The Jerusalem Roast. Enjoy!
With a report from Agriculture Ministry that the cat population in Israel has surpassed four million, the cat lobby in the Knesset has stepped its campaign to force a binational state for people and cats.
Given their population size – approximately 40% of the country – many are saying that granting them citizenship and full civil and political rights is the only plausible option.
Opponents of the proposal said it would create an in-extractable fur ball in the throat of the nation.
Binational state for humans and cats: A fur ball in the throat of Israel
Finance Minister and self-proclaimed cat-phobe Bezalel Smotrich said that the Jewish character of the country would be lost in a sea of litter boxes and kibble.
“How can we have a binational state? The cats are cute, but they don’t speak any Hebrew. And I don’t know a single Israeli who speaks cat. The Knesset would become a mess.”
Proponents of the move warned that maintaining the status quo could lead to Israel’s isolation on the international level, namely from the UN.
“You are already seeing drafts of proposals floating at the UN to denounce the current situation. Do we really want to become a pariah state because of how we treat our cats?” said Tom Garfield of the “Our Feline Future” movement.
In addition to demanding full citizenship for cats, the movement is calling for Britain to acknowledge its role in creating the cat refugee problem when it controlled Mandatory Palestine.
“In importing felines to take care of the rodent problem, they created the biggest refugee crisis in the world,” said Garfield between bites of lasagna.
Both proponents and opponents of the move to create a binational state agree that the cats are here to stay. They also agree that another campaign underway, to grant citizenship to dogs, is a non-starter.
“That’s just crazy talk,” Garfield said. “It’s bad enough they’re lumped together with us when talking about heavy rain; now they want to piggyback on our years of suffering as second-class animals.”
Jerusalem Post Store
`; document.getElementById("linkPremium").innerHTML = cont; var divWithLink = document.getElementById("premium-link"); if (divWithLink !== null && divWithLink !== 'undefined') { divWithLink.style.border = "solid 1px #cb0f3e"; divWithLink.style.textAlign = "center"; divWithLink.style.marginBottom = "15px"; divWithLink.style.marginTop = "15px"; divWithLink.style.width = "100%"; divWithLink.style.backgroundColor = "#122952"; divWithLink.style.color = "#ffffff"; divWithLink.style.lineHeight = "1.5"; } } (function (v, i) { });