Tu B'Av: Childhood sweethearts share the secrets to successful marriage

Shachar (55) and Ilan (55) Simchi met at the age of 12 in school, and today have two kids and three grandkids.

How did you meet?

Ilan: We were in the same great in Echad Ha'am School in Petah Tikva. I was a confused boy who sometimes attended classes and spent most of my time outside. On the other hand, Shachar was a diligent and studious girl."

Shachar: "One day, we went on a field trip with school to Daliat al-Carmel. There wasn't enough space for all the kids in my class on the bus, and they needed to split us up. Because Ilan's bus had all the good-looking guys, I told my friends that we should join that bus. From the moment, I had my eye on Ilan. Our friends tried to mediate between us, and we had a connection the whole trip. I was in love from the first moment. We waited for the trip to end so that we could go back home and start dating."

Ilan: "We went out for ice cream, to the cinema, hung out in Tel Aviv, and we kept this relationship going consistently until ninth grade. When I left for a professional school, we broke up for four months because we wanted to explore other relationships and experiment in a new environment."

Shachar: "We broke up in tenth grade, and I didn't initiate the split. It was Ilan when he saw a lot of girls being attracted to him in high school. But that didn't hold for very long because I was always in the area, and his friends always reported to me what was going on, so I made sure to get between him and anyone he was dating. In the end, we got back together."

How did you make it through the army?

Ilan: "I served in Shizafon (a base near Eilat), and the distance made it difficult for us because we loved each other. When we were 19, we decided to get married and the person who married us was a military rabbi. Half a year later, I moved to train soldiers in Bahad 20. A year later, our eldest daughter Adva was born."

Shachar: "They caused a lot of problems for us in the army because they kept pushing off Ilan's move to a base closer to home. So I set up shop in the base in Ramat Gan. I stood in front of the [HR] bureau head, and I stayed on top of him. I explained the importance of moving Ilan. In the end, it worked, and Ilan moved to the center."

What's the disadvantage of a steady relationship from such a young age?

Ilan: "You experience all the hardships of life at a very young age. It's not easy. My personal and professional development was delayed by a few years. I started to work late, and I started getting a degree at a relatively late age. If my son was to tell me today that he wants to get married in the army, I wouldn't be so okay with that because I know the challenge."

Shachar: "I never felt that anything was missing, and I never felt that I missed out on not experiencing another man. Loyalty is a top value. I never felt the need to meet or experience anyone else. I won't say that there aren't difficult times or fights though."

What is the advantage of being in a steady relationship from such a young age?

Ilan: "You experience very innocent, authentic, and virginal love. It gives you a significant toolbox for the rest of your life. It's a wonderful experience to be grandparents at a relatively young age and have the strength to go out with the grandkids."

Shachar: "We also had a lot of help from our parents."

What advice would you give young couples today?

Shachar: "In my eyes, loyalty is a top value, and they should foster a familial dynamic and communication."

Ilan: "One of the things we made sure to preserve in life is to try and be more patient with each other. Aside from us being a couple, each of us also has our own life cycles, hobbies, and things we like to do. We have a rule: If we fought throughout the day, we don't go to sleep without giving each other a kiss, and we go to sleep having made up. Every day is a new day."

How will you celebrate Tu B'Av this year?

Shachar: "Tu B'Av comes out near my birthday this year, so we'll celebrate in Antalya with the whole extended family."

Daniel (33) and Chen (33) met at 15 in high school. They now have three kids.

How did you meet?

Daniel: "I come from Kfar Hassidim (Rachsim) and Chen comes from Kiryat Tivon. There was no high school in my town, so we were transferred to study at Ort Greenberg High School in Kiryat Tivon. Chen and I studied in parallel classes in the seventh grade, but from the 10th grade, we were in the same class. Before we were in the same class, there wasn't that much of a connection between us." 

Chen: "When we started high school, Daniel flirted with me and we've been together ever since. Daniel would tease me during breaks and classes. At first, I was annoyed, and then I laughed, and in the end, I fell in love." 

Daniel: "We had this thing in high school where they would take us out for a math marathon. The day before we left for the marathon, I told her I was thinking about her and wanted her. She went with it and we said we would try. To this day we are together." 

How did you survive the military service? 

Daniel: "Throughout high school, we were warned that in the army this youthful love would fall apart. But we managed to keep in touch." 

Chen: "We really loved each other, and we were not interested in anything other than being together. We made sure to meet every weekend, even during the army period."

Daniel: "It was not the easiest time, but we survived it." 

What is the disadvantage of being in a steady relationship from such a young age?

Daniel: "We always look out for our relationship. We don't have fights, and we can read each with one look. There is no downside." 

Chen: "I never thought there was a downside to it. I never felt a sense of missing out that I didn't try something else or see other things. I don't miss anything with him." 

What is the advantage of being in continuous contact from such a young age? 

Daniel: "There are many experiences we have gained together and we have many mutual friends. The biggest advantages are our three children. The eldest is 10 and the youngest will soon be four. When we reach the age of 50, we will have older children." 

Chen: "We built our lives from a very young age. We have a couple of friends who got married in their 30s and they are just starting married life and life itself while we are already living it and have gone through these experiences." 

What advice would you give to a young couple today? 

Daniel: "Praise and love." 

Chen: "Talk, be always open and respectful, and emphasize communication. listen and tell each other everything."

How do you plan to celebrate Tu B'Av this year? 

Daniel: "There is currently talk of a couple's trip to Istanbul, so we will probably join."

Danny (46) and Lilach (46) Schwartz-Peleg met at the age of 14 in school. Now, they have three kids.

How did you meet? 

Danny: "I met Lilach in the eighth grade at the 'Dafna' Middle School in Kiryat Bialik. I sat next to her at the same table in class, and we haven't parted since." 

Lilach: "In the beginning, it was a very good friendship. The romantic relationship started in high school, in the 10th grade. We always had the dilemma of whether we were friends or beyond that. There was tension between us and there was attraction, but at one point I had a different boyfriend, and Danny patiently waited for me to break up with him. When we broke up, Danny jumped at the chance and asked me out to play basketball alone with him." 

Danny: "I act according to my gut feeling, and my gut feeling told me that my life would be the best with this woman. In retrospect, it was the best investment I ever made in my life." 

How did you survive the military service? 

Danny: "We both decided that also in the army, we wouldn't break up and we would make every effort to stay together. We realized that if we break up, then this relationship is probably not strong enough or good enough. We felt we were up to the challenge. In the army, we both served under favorable conditions, so we got to see each other more often." 

Lilach: "Indeed, when we were in the IDF, there were long periods when we did not see each other, and it was very difficult, but we coped with it." 

What is the disadvantage of being in continuous contact from such a young age? 

Danny: "Who I am today and who I was 30 years ago are not the same person. Our biggest challenge was making these adjustments and changes. We have both developed, and we are in a daily process of getting to know each other anew." 

Lilach: "I am a very much family person, and I really need the anchor. As far as I'm concerned, when you know you know. I don't feel a sense of loss or disadvantage." 

What is the advantage of being in a continuous relationship from such a young age? 

Danny: "The biggest advantage is that you are on the journey of life with someone you know and he knows you. Lilach was with me in the most beautiful and also the most difficult situations. In my opinion, this is the most correct thing." 

Lilach: "From such a young age, we both constantly strive to develop and change and become the better version of ourselves and break less good patterns." 

What advice would you give to a young couple today? 

Danny: "You always have to look at things through the eyes of the other, to strive to see how you do what's good for them, and help make them happy, and vice versa." 

Lilach: "Reach a balance between being attentive to yourself and your needs and being sensitive to those next to you. That's the key." 

How do you plan to celebrate Tu B'Av this year? 

Lilach: "I have a lecture that evening about relationships, so I think Danny will come to cheer me on." 

Danny: "We'll postpone the celebrations until the weekend when it's my birthday."

Hadar (32) and Tamir (32) Shachar met at 16 in high school. They have two kids.

How did you meet?

Hadar: "I'm originally from Lahabim and Tamir was in the school's boarding school. We studied at the Eshel Hanasi School. From the 10th grade, we were in the same class." 

Tamir: "I fell in love with her, I looked at her quite a bit in class, I would especially come to Lahavim with friends to meet her. In the end, she agreed to go out with me." 

Hadar: "We came from very different worlds, but we fell in love." 

How did you survive the military service? 

Tamir: "We were together in the army as well, we made sure to keep in touch. Hadar was released while I was still in the army, and she went on an eight-month trip to South America. That was a time when we broke up because of the distance. A month after she returned to Israel we got back together. We realized that we can't do without each other." 

Hadar: "This break was also due to the fact that we didn't want to feel like we were missing out on anything in life. It made us both realize that we actually want to be with each other forever." 

What's the downside of being in a continuous relationship from such a young age? 

Tamir: "Except for Hadar, I haven't had a serious or long relationship. The break we took made me realize that there is no downside. The disadvantage may be that I didn't have a different experience with someone else, but I don't feel a disadvantage." 

Hadar: "If you come into a relationship after having experienced and tried other relationships, you come with more experience and knowledge about the relationship, and we didn't have that. We experienced everything together from the beginning, we grew and developed together." 

What is the advantage of being in a continuous relationship from such a young age? 

Hadar: "We have a lot of shared experiences and many mutual friends." 

Tamir: "Hadar knows me better than anyone else, from such a young age. It's an advantage."

What tip would you give to a young couple today? 

Tamir: "Just enjoy being together. Don't think about how long the relationship will be, but enjoy what is now." 

Hadar: "A lot of support, mutual respect, and full trust." 

How do you plan to celebrate Tu B'Av this year? 

Hadar: "We will celebrate this year in the best possible way. We'll be at a henna event of a really good friend. Celebrating the love of others."