A small mistake with one’s children can cause irreparable damage

Rabbi Yoshiyahu Pinto’s talks are known throughout the Jewish world. They combine chassidic teachings and philosophy, along with tips for a better life. We have collected pearls from his teachings that are relevant to our daily lives. This week he comments on the Torah section of Chayei Sarah.

"And the servant took out silver vessels and gold vessels and clothes and gave them to Rebekah."

In this week's Torah section, our Patriarch Abraham sends his righteous servant Eliezer to look for a bride for Isaac. Abraham gives him many kinds of signs of what kind of bride to bring, and after a long series of miracles, Eliezer finds Rebekah. He speaks to Bethuel and Laban to convince them to give Rebekah to Isaac. And after he shows them the gifts he brought for Rebekah, Bethuel and Laban say, "God has brought this about.. Here before you is Rebekah - take her and go."

But after some time a transformation takes place. Suddenly Bethuel is no longer heard from and Laban gets up and says, "Let the girl stay with us for a year or ten months and then afterwards she can go." He wants her to stay with them for a few more months or years and not go now. Eliezer tells them not to delay him and Laban answers that they will ask the girl and whatever she says they will do.

We cannot help but wonder: a few moments ago Bethuel and Laban declared that the matter is from God and they bluntly tell him to take Rivkah and leave. He doesn’t have to stay there for an extra moment. But now suddenly Laban says that he wants the girl to stay with them for a while longer. Why did Laban suddenly change his mind?

The explanation is as follows: there are people who must be happy all day and if they are not happy, they become miserable. There are people who are all about discord and they constantly quarrel. If they don't quarrel they are miserable. And some people who constantly lie and if they don't lie, they don’t feel themselves. They feel comfortable with their lies just like other people feel comfortable with committing theft or slander. On the side of holiness, there are people who are invigorated by the Torah and others who are invigorated by practicing charity and kindness. Each person has something that gives him happiness and energy.

Laban was invigorated by evil, wickedness and lies. Laban wanted his entire family to be wicked "for the wicked tribe will not be at peace with the fate of the righteous"  (Psalms 125:3). As the holy Torah says about Laban (Deuteronomy 26:5) “An Aramite sought to destroy my father, and he went down to Egypt." Laban was an exceedingly evil person who even wanted to kill his own grandchildren.

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The wicked Laban wanted the children of his sister Rebekah to be corrupt instead of righteous. He saw Eliezer coming with Abraham’s great wealth, and he realized that Abraham was already old, his wife had died and his son Yitzchak would inherit everything, Laban thought to himself, My sister will marry the son of this rich man and the money will cause her to "wax fat and kick [rebel]" (Deuteronomy 32:15). Wherever there is money and it is not used properly, people deteriorate and become corrupt. Laban thought to himself that if his sister becomes rich, she will become corrupt and her children will follow in her footsteps. They will want nice cars, big houses, trips and so they will deteriorate and be like their mother. The very fact that they will be rich means that they will go in Laban’s ways. That’s why he told Eliezer to take Rebekah and go. Even though she is righteous now, the money will eventually corrupt her.

But suddenly Laban saw that Eliezer is giving her gifts and clothes, and he sees that the clothes that Eliezer brought are the kind that Sarah our matriarch used to wear. The clothes of our holy mothers were extremely modest. As soon as Laban sees what they look like, he realizes his mistake. If the clothes of the women of Abraham's family are so modest, then they have very strong barriers against sin, and money will not corrupt them and they will not deteriorate. That’s why Laban immediately backtracks and starts talking that the girl should stay with them for a year or many months. He now understood that Rebekah will not deteriorate and she would have things safeguarding her and helping her maintain Abraham’s way in minor as well as major matters.

One who maintains his clothes, his behavior and the behavior of his family, will not go lost. The children of Israel were saved from Egypt by virtue of not changing their name, language and clothing, which gave them tremendous strength to resist outside influences. When a person maintains the basics of modesty and ensures that his family follows it, he is going on a good path and will see nachat from his children, God willing. But if he starts to look all over how to adapt himself to the outside world, in the end he will lose everything, may God have mercy on us.

A person should carefully look after his children, their clothing, behavior and speech. These so-called small things are actually like an arrow. If one aims at a target but shoots with a slight deviation of a centimeter, the arrow will end up meters away from the target.

A small mistake in the children’s education when they are small, can end up a huge yawning chasm in the future. A person should be very careful with his family, his children, and his thoughts. In everything you need to be extremely cautious because even a little mistake can cause terrible and fearful destruction. A person who is careful about this, is going on a good path and will have divine help.

(Published in the BaKehilah hareidi weekly)

This article was written in cooperation with Shuva Israel