Jewels of wisdom: Rivkah’s gift of sensitivity

The Torah verses convey profound messages that we can insightfully extract for our daily lives. Rabbi Shay Tahan, the Rosh Kollel of Shaarei Ezra in Brooklyn, NY, graciously opens the gates to understand them.

In our parshiot, we find three distinct models of hachnasat orchim (hospitality).

The first is exemplified by Avraham Avinu, who embodies unlimited generosity. He offers his guests everything without limitations, seeking nothing in return. His hospitality is entirely altruistic, motivated purely by the value of giving.

The second model is that of Sedom. The people of Sedom actively avoided hosting guests, making it a principle to deny entry to outsiders. Even if a guest offered full payment for hospitality, they would refuse, demonstrating their extreme lack of kindness and hospitality.

The third is exemplified by Lavan. When Rivkah tells him about Eliezer, Avraham’s messenger, and he sees the jewelry Eliezer gave her, he rushes to invite him. However, his invitation is not driven by generosity but by self-interest, with his eyes on the wealth Eliezer might share. Lavan’s hospitality is thus conditional and self-serving, hoping to benefit materially from his guest.

But then, there is another form of hospitality that requires deeper exploration and understanding: the hospitality of Rivkah. She invites Eliezer to her home while also accepting the generous gifts he offers. Despite this, the Torah presents her as an expert in kindness and a role model worthy of emulation.

This raises a compelling question: Wouldn’t it seem more fitting for Rivkah to emulate Avraham Avinu’s model of pure, selfless giving, offering hospitality without accepting anything in return? Shouldn’t her acceptance of Eliezer’s gifts disqualify her from becoming Yitzchak’s wife and stepping into the role of Sarah Imeinu, who epitomized the ideal of total giving?

Understanding Rivkah’s actions requires us to consider a nuanced perspective on kindness.

Let us consider a well-known Gemara. According to halacha, for a marriage (kiddushin) to take place, a man must give something of value to the woman. This is why we use a ring during a wedding ceremony. If the man gives nothing, the marriage is invalid. Certainly, if the woman gives something to the man instead, the marriage does not take effect.

However, the Gemara (Kiddushin 7a) presents an exception to this rule. If the man is an important person who normally does not accept gifts, and the woman gives him something that he agrees to accept, the marriage can be valid. In such a case, the act of him accepting the gift is considered a benefit to her. This benefit, which holds intrinsic value, serves as the basis for the kiddushin.

We learn from this Gemara that sometimes receiving from another is not truly receiving but is, in essence, an act of giving.

With this in mind, we can understand Rivkah’s actions. When she accepted the jewelry from Eliezer, it wasn’t with the intent to receive for her own benefit. Rather, seeing how excited Eliezer was to give her the gifts, she chose not to reject them, as doing so would have caused him discomfort or disappointment. Her acceptance was, therefore, a form of kindness—giving Eliezer the satisfaction of fulfilling his mission with joy.

It is also logical that a guest feels more comfortable when the host accepts something from him, as it alleviates the sense of completely imposing on the host.

This concept is similarly reflected in the mitzvah of tzedakah. The Shulchan Aruch teaches that the highest form of tzedakah is providing someone with a job. In this way, the recipient does not feel they are receiving charity but instead earning what they rightfully deserve for their efforts. This principle highlights the importance of preserving the dignity and self-worth of those we help, even in acts of giving.

We can explain that Eliezer was testing whether Rivkah possessed the sensitivity to make others feel good.

This can be inferred from the sequence of events. At the well, the Torah describes how Rivkah first gave Eliezer water to drink and then offered to draw water for his camels. After she completed this generous act, the pasuk states that Eliezer was still waiting to see if Hashem had made his mission successful.

What was he waiting for?

The answer is that he was observing whether Rivkah would accept the jewelry he gave her immediately afterward. By taking the gifts, Rivkah demonstrated her sensitivity—not out of personal gain but because she recognized Eliezer’s joy in giving and did not want to diminish it.

This subtle act showed her refined character, confirming that she was suitable to join Yitzchak’s household and continue the legacy of kindness exemplified by Sarah Imeinu.

This article was written in cooperation with Shuva Israel