Elul and America’s epidemic of loneliness - opinion

The month of Elul on the Jewish calendar has just begun. It marks the beginning of a period of reflection and introspection and the preamble to the High Holy Days. For many American Jews, this month goes unmarked. This year, we should take it more seriously as an opportunity to address one of society’s most endemic problems: loneliness. 

According to the US Surgeon General Dr. Vivek H. Murthy, Americans are suffering from an “Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation,” with profound health consequences: “The mortality impact of being socially disconnected is similar to that caused by smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day, and even greater than that associated with obesity and physical inactivity.”

Millions of people are quite literally dying of loneliness. But, as documented by Rabbi Elan Babchuck and Professor Wendy Cage in their compelling piece for The Boston Globe, religious communities can be part of the solution and have not adequately been engaged in the process of bringing people out of isolation. If the essence of religious community is deep relationships forged in pursuit of a higher purpose, then surely there is more that we can do. 

American Jews just as susceptible to loneliness

American Jews are no strangers to this isolation either, and there is no reason to think that they are immune to the pain it can cause. As we approach Elul this year, we encounter a key opportunity. For, it turns out, many of the surgeon general’s recommendations for increasing social connection and well-being, map directly onto our spiritual practices. These include reconnecting, focusing, serving others, and seeking help. 

First, reconnecting. After breaking our usual cadence for the year to enjoy the warmth of summer, Elul calls us home. We rejoin for soulful melodies that remind us of teshuva, the process of return. We literally return to each other, whether we have been in a community all of our lives or return to the notion of community itself. It is in the context of these community relationships that we return to ourselves and can realize our highest potential. 

Second, focusing – or, more precisely, eliminating distractions. It appears that our technology creates social and emotional distance. Prayer, reflection, and spiritual accounting require our focus. They provide an opportunity to reconsider how we use our technology – and to make sure that it is not using us. Introspection is a lost art that our tradition calls us to renew.

Third, serving others. Our community, like many around the country, reaches beyond its walls to serve others. We are holding special volunteer opportunities to feed the hungry and put our hands and hearts to use in service to others. In turning outwards, we open our hearts, compassionately encounter the pain of others, and raise our own spirits by raising those of others. 

Fourth, seeking help. Elul renews the process of spiritual accounting in which we all call out for help. Help in changing and bettering ourselves. Help in finding a connection. Help in using whatever time we have for good. Help from friends – and help from mental health professionals. This month normalizes reaching out for help and giving voice to our pain when we are not okay. 

Our sages suggest that Elul is an acrostic in Hebrew – representing the quote from the Song of Songs (6:3), ani l’dodi v’dodi li, (I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine). Its core message is one of love. Many interpret this to be about love and one’s relationship with God – or love in a romantic sense. Yet it is platonic love on which we would do well to focus this year in the community. 

The first step toward bringing each other out of isolation is opening up to new friendships and relationships, and creating social spaces that put them first. Much as prayer and ritual can elevate this time, we must complement them with opportunities for people to break bread, share space, and make time holy through relationships. 

We would also do well to continue taking down financial, social, and emotional barriers to people who desperately need community. Our own community does so through a voluntary dues structure that eliminates money as a financial barrier. We work actively to make sure that people of different ages, needs, and abilities can join meaningfully in our communal experiences – notably in providing multi-generational family services. 

But we also take this holy month to do a spiritual accounting of all the people we have not yet reached and do not yet serve adequately. There is much work to be done to bring ourselves and each other out of the epidemic of loneliness. May we do so together this year. 

Cantor Olivia Brodsky, Rabbi Joshua Stanton, and Mindy Sherry, MAJE serve East End Temple in Manhattan. Rabbi Stanton also serves as director of leadership at CLAL.