A joint memorial service is needed this year more than ever - opinion

On May 12, Yom Hazikaron eve, this year as every year for the past 18, the Joint Memorial Service will take place commemorating Israelis and Palestinians who died due to the decades-old conflict in which we are embroiled.

The vast majority of Israel will commemorate fallen soldiers and civilians who died in battle and terrorist attacks – only Israelis. We, Combatants for Peace, former Israeli and Palestinian fighters who use nonviolent resistance to build a free and peaceful future, and The Parents Circle-Families Forum, whose members have all have lost a close family member in the conflict, will provide an opportunity to commemorate losses on both sides, Palestinians and Israelis.

When the lights went off on the stage in Ganei Yehoshua city park in Tel Aviv last year, and the crowd of 15,000 people who attended the 18th Joint Israeli-Palestinian Memorial Day Ceremony dispersed, we never imagined how our reality would change nor how incredibly difficult it was going to be to hold the thin fabric of coexistence and shared resistance for peace by simple humanity together.

Israeli society has not ceased to suffer from the devastating terror attack perpetrated by Hamas on October 7. 

While we do not know the exact number of hostages alive and dead, there are over one-hundred hostages in captivity in Gaza, according to official Israeli sources, and the war which the government refuses to end or think about the day after grinds on. 

We never imagined the loss of so many dear lives in so short a time. Once again, the Jewish people and the nation of Israel are confronting unimaginable tragedy.

And our Palestinian friends, colleagues, partners in seeking for peace, what can they say? 

The brutal attack of Hamas began the worst war ever for the Palestinians in Gaza, who have lost, even according to the most moderate IDF numbers, multiple thousands of civilian lives, including women and children, and a population that is facing hunger and near starvation every day which is why emergency food aid is being transferred to the Strip by Israel, international governments, including the US, and numerous aid agencies.

And in the West Bank, mostly shielded from the public’s view, the attacks by Israeli army and settlers are ongoing. 

The Jerusalem Post reported that, settlers attacked Palestinians in more than 100 incidents in at least 62 towns and villages in the West Bank under cover of the war from October 7-22, 2023. 

The UN Office for Coordination of Humanitarian Affairs, reported recently that in 2023, about 4,000 Palestinians were displaced due to policies and practices implemented by the Israeli authorities or Israeli settlers, all contributing to a coercive environment in the West Bank, including east Jerusalem, even in Jericho and Ramallah, cities that are usually quiet. 

As reported by Yonah Jeremy Bob in these pages, even before the latest war, Israel broke a record for the number of Palestinians in administrative detention. Young men are kept in administrative detention in horrible circumstances for long months.

WE ARE all in pain and are all mourning. We, Israelis and Palestinians, all know people who died or people who lost their loved ones.

Members of Combatants for Peace have been meeting each other since the 8th of October. Holding the pain, holding the hope. Listening to each other’s stories on Zoom, and whenever possible, in person. 

It is so difficult, but we are facing the different narratives the two sides hear, sharing them, arguing, crying, shouting. We do so because we truly believe we have no other choice.

Only by listening, by acknowledging the other do we have the possibility to create a different future here, one that respects human lives and creates a just solution for both people. From these heart-wrenching conversations we came to the first planning meetings for the 19th Joint Ceremony.

It was clear that this year we would not be able to go back to the park or any public venue. Emotions are too raw, and it would simply be dangerous for the participants. So, this year we will meet this year in virtual space. This allows us to invite the whole world to join us. 

We will meet, in private, for those who wish and create small circles of communities that watch the ceremony together, all yearning for peace, reconciliation and acknowledgment.

As Istvan Bibo, a fellow Hungarian and very smart thinker from 20th century said, “Small circles of freedom are key to social change.” When times are dark, and political powers are oppressive, we, the ordinary people all over the world and especially in the land, have the power to create change bottom up.

Our aim is to challenge the status quo and set the foundation for a new reality based on mutual respect, dignity, and equality for all. In mourning together, we seek not to equate narratives, but rather transform despair into hope and build bridges of compassion and remind individuals and society that occupation, oppression, and violence are not inevitable.

Change starts with the ability to hear, feel, and acknowledge the pain of the other. This is our mission in the Joint Israeli-Palestinian Memorial Day ceremony, this year as always, this year even more ever.

The writer is co-executive director of Combatants for Peace.