Where is the concern for the children of Israel with post-Oct. 7 trauma? - opinion

Almost every time I see an Israeli or pro-Israel personality being interviewed by non-Israeli media, I inevitably hear the same question being asked in some form or other: “Are you not concerned that the Israeli response in Gaza will only indoctrinate another generation of Palestinians to turn to terror and hatred?” 

Sometimes there is a qualifier to go along with this question, explaining how the interviewer understands that we are trying to eliminate Hamas and that’s all well and good but is it “worth it” if in the process we just “lead more Palestinians to a life of terror”? This line of thinking astounds me, not just as a Jew and as an Israeli, but as a mother. And it should astound those asking the question as well – or at least lead them to ask a few others.

First, let’s assume for a moment that we are ignoring the evidence on the ground in Gaza showing that the indoctrination has already been taking place without any help from Israel. Hamas has been running Gaza for almost two decades and that means that their ideology has been what runs everything in Gaza as well. If you want that indoctrination to stop, the first step is in removing Hamas. Just as de-nazification took place in Germany after World War II, so too “de-hamasification” can only take place once Hamas is eliminated.

Second and just as important: They ask the question apparently out of great concern for the psychological effect that war might have on the children of Gaza. While every decent human being can sympathize with the suffering of children and wonder about the outcome down the line, I find it incredibly telling that no one ever asks the same question of the children of Israel. Are they not concerned with the trauma our children have experienced – not just on October 7 but before and since?

And when I say before, I mean years of war, rockets, and terror attacks targeting Israelis in civilian populations. When I say since, I mean the trauma of seeing their fathers, brothers, and relatives go off to fight to defend their homes for months on end, not knowing when or if they might see them again.

I mean seeing posters of hostages on every surface available and learning what a hostage is. I mean standing outside at a funeral procession for a boy who used to go to your school who was killed in combat, waiting to pay your respects, not really comprehending what that means but knowing that it’s the saddest moment you’ve ever been a part of. To say nothing of the events of October 7 and the children who were directly involved in the attack, either witnessing horrors or losing parents and siblings or both, not to mention their homes.

Our children have lost their innocence in a way that I can’t imagine any members of the media questioning Israelis can understand. They have had to grapple with concepts that most adults can barely understand. I wonder if their 11-year-old has ever asked them why everyone hates their people. Or if their five-year-old knows how to explain that they might not be able to travel because of a war. Or if their nine-year-old remembers to ask for emergency siren instructions before a hike. 

If we do not eliminate Hamas once and for all this kind of trauma will only continue and worsen. 

When friends from outside Israel ask me how things have been I explain that parenting during this war has been tremendously challenging. But that’s part of the deal, right? Being a parent means teaching and imparting values to your children under any and all circumstances. Some of this happens subconsciously – and we can hope that the best of us rubs off. But we really need to think about what we actively wish to share and speak to our children about, and during stressful times, that can be a real challenge. 

Approaching Holocause Remembrance Day

As we approach Holocaust Remembrance Day, I think about the difficulty of raising children during and just after the Holocaust. As antisemitism rears its ugly head again, now at levels not seen since that time, I wonder what parents are teaching their children about 1930’s Germany. 

How did we get back to a time where Jews are being blocked from entering certain campuses? Or harassed in parks? But it seems that history has an odd way of repeating itself.

But if that’s the case, then let’s continue the cycle. The generation of Jews that survived the Holocaust and the one just after it certainly came out with scars and trauma that I cannot begin to imagine. But that generation went on to build a country – Israel. It went on to fight and defend itself, time after time, and develop a thriving homeland. 

Our children will no doubt be scarred in more ways than one. The media should ask and be concerned about our children because they are just as affected by the trauma of war and terror. 

Perhaps if the media asked more about the trauma that Israeli children have suffered, and brought more attention to the effects that war has not just on Gazans but on Israelis as well, we wouldn’t see as many extreme pro-Hamas protests on the campuses and streets. 

I encourage all those who are interviewed to bring that up when asked questions like the one mentioned above. 

However, it is our job as parents to ensure that children, despite the stress and the circumstances, are taught right from wrong, morality, and good values. That goes for parents in Israel, Gaza, New York, London, and Los Angeles – regardless of what age our children are and what crisis we or they are facing. 

And for those of us in Israel parenting through some of our hardest moments – we Jews have also proven ourselves adept at teaching our children to become something else after tragedy: warriors. The warrior generation after the Holocaust built a country. With parents who have shown themselves to be superheroes on the battlefield and on the home front, I am sure that the warrior children of October 7 will prove themselves to be just as great.

The writer is a mother of three living happily in Modi’in.