We celebrate life – unlike our enemies who celebrate death - opinion

At a time when we are faced with a war without end, coupled with the exceedingly painful loss of our brave, often far too young IDF heroes, to experience a moving positive happening is just what the doctor ordered.

Such was a recent experience I am happy to share with my readers.

I was invited to a bat mitvah celebration – not for one girl but for 22. While a bat mitzvah celebration is considered the norm for many, it is not the case for the Israeli girls of Ethiopian background, who were the majority of the 22 celebrants.

It was an uplifting experience to see the girls and their mothers enjoying a glorious celebration with this year’s party marking the “bat mitvah” of the concept itself, initiated by the Students Build a Community (SBC) project of Israel’s English Speaking Residents Association (ESRA) 12 years ago.

In order to find out how this all began, the Magazine sat down with Nina Zuck, project chair of ESRA Netanya, since the girls came from the city’s neighborhoods of Kiryat Nordau, Neot Shaked, Naot Herzl and Hefzibah.

A bat mitzvah of 22 women in Netanya

Some will recall my writing about the SBC concept whereby carefully chosen students, having financial challenges, are offered accommodation in a deprived area in exchange for mentoring local youngsters aged 8–12. The fact that the students live in the same apartment blocks as their pupils strengthens the bond between the two that goes way beyond the official mentoring hours. Often approached informally by their mentees outside of their guiding sessions, their response is always positive. Many of these children are of Ethiopian background.

After 18 years since the initiation of this SBC project, today around 90% of the students are Israeli Ethiopians, with some of them being graduates of the project – surely a positive role model for the 160 kids who are mentored twice a week by 40 students.

Zuck explained that the idea for a bat mitzvah celebration came from the girls themselves as they approached their 12th birthday. More and more were saying how it was unfair that “the boys have a big event for their bar mitzvah, while we girls have nothing.” As one participant movingly commented, “This is so exciting because I have never had a party just for me.” The celebration also marks the end of the four-year period of being student-mentored, which coincides with graduating from elementary school to high school.

THIS YEAR’S party, set in the garden of the Neot Ganim community center filled with beautifully decorated tables, began when the 22 twelve-year-olds, accompanied by their mothers, were serenaded into the garden to the music of DJ Yitzhak Tamano – who, for the past six years, has donated his talents, ensuring the most appropriate music for each part of the festivity.

The evening opened with the words of Netanya Deputy Mayor Shiri Haguel, telling the girls, “You will soon finish participating in the Students Build a Community project; you have made friends with your student [mentor] who has helped you academically and socially. Your learning skills, personal ability and social skills have strengthened. Bat mitzvah is a special age – you grow up discovering the world and yourself.

“For sure, it is a time of emotional changes where you will experience successes alongside disappointments, but it is important for you to remember you are not alone,” she said. “You have behind you a loving family and a community – above all, you have yourselves. Grow up to be strong, confident women taking advantage of every moment in your life. I look at your mothers this evening and see the great excitement in their eyes.”

As we sat down to enjoy the celebrants’ chosen variety of pizza, we were able to watch a constant flow of videos showing each student with her four pupils engrossed in one of their activities.

Then, one by one, the students went up to the front – accompanied by their four pupils whom they addressed personally – spelling out their individual virtues and concluding with a blessing.

Student Ilana Yahaelly, 31, currently studying nursing at the Hillel Yaffe School of Nursing and mentoring in Netanya’s Hefzibah neighborhood, addressed her four pupils as follows:

“My dear girls Shaili, Oria, Adisalem and Elinor, as we conclude a long and meaningful period together, I wish each one of you lots of luck and much success. Having come to know you over our time together, I am confident it won’t be long before I hear of your future achievements.

“I am glad that I had the privilege of accompanying you and watching you grow, and want to thank you for what you have given me. I have learned from each one of you – amazing in your individual way – and have benefited enormously from our time together: an exceedingly positive experience that will remain with me for years to come,” she said.

“May you grow up to be happy girls, finding success in whichever path you choose, and may your wishes come true. I love you.”

THIS SPECIAL evening concluded with dancing – primarily Ethiopian style – to the music of DJ Tamano.

Yes, there were moments, as Zuck explained, when it was thought not quite the right thing to be having a party when the country was caught up in a war and far too many were in mourning for the loss of a loved one or still awaiting the return of a member of their family kept as a hostage by Hamas. “However, we decided to continue with the bat mitzvah party because the girls had been looking forward to this day for many months – and because we Israelis celebrate life,” she said.

Yes, we celebrate life – unlike our enemies who celebrate death.

In conclusion, I can do no better than finish with the words of Sgt.-Maj. (res.) Ben Zussman, who fell in Gaza in December 2023. I give only a small extract from the letter sent to his parents to be read in the event that he was killed. I cried my way through the entire letter.

“…Even if something happens to me, I don’t allow you to sink into sorrow. I had the zechus [merit] to fulfill my dream and my mission – to defend our beautiful country.... If chas v’chalilah [heaven forbid], you’re sitting shiva [the week-long mourning period], transform it into a week of friends, family, and fun. There should be food, beers, sweet drinks, nuts, tea and, of course, Ima’s cookies. Make jokes, hear stories, and meet all my friends you haven’t met yet.

“I’m jealous of you: I would have liked to sit there and see everyone.” 

 The writer is chairperson of the Israel, Britain and the Commonwealth Association (IBCA).