Healing Israeli society one year after October 7: Reflections on love and forgiveness

One year after the October 7 massacre, Israelis are reflecting on how to build a better world. As a society and as individuals, what steps should be taken? In the conversations I’ve had with my students and in the Torah lessons I teach, my answer is to increase unconditional love. I wish them, and myself, a year of love and forgiveness.

What do I mean by this? Before October 7, Israel was rife with internal tensions that fueled hatred between different parts of society. Afterward, we saw a dramatic shift in these relationships, which contributed to the rapid recovery and unified fight against our enemies.

Interrogations of the Nukhba terrorists revealed that they had chosen the timing of the massacre based on the internal divisions within Israeli society. Former Hamas leader Yahya Sinwar even said that Israel’s social chaos and conflicts were a significant factor in his decision to strike at that time. These revelations demand reflection on the need for social repair.

Recently, I spoke with a soldier in an elite unit in Gaza. I asked him if the tunnel threat in Gaza could be resolved militarily. He replied, “We can finish the job if we have the backing of love. In combat, what sustains us is the love and solidarity between us – religious and secular, Left and Right, rich and poor. But when we return home and see the hatred between different parts of society, it weakens us.” His words echoed the farewell notes left by many soldiers, urging their families to “continue to love and increase unconditional love.”

Strengthen the muscle of forgiveness

My students often ask how to achieve this love. I tell them that unconditional love requires forgiveness. We need to strengthen the “muscle” of forgiveness – for each other and for ourselves. Forgiveness is the cornerstone of unconditional love and of Yom Kippur. The commandment of Yom Kippur is to seek and grant forgiveness. We cannot ask God to forgive us for our sins if we do not forgive ourselves and others first.

Jewish law emphasizes that Yom Kippur atones for sins between a person and God, but it does not atone for sins between people until they seek reconciliation. Yom Kippur is a time for social repair and peace.

One of the most powerful examples of forgiveness in the Torah is Joseph. Despite being thrown into a pit and sold by his brothers, he forgave them years later. In Gustave Doré’s depiction of the moment of forgiveness, Joseph stretches his arms out, lifting his head upward in a gesture of relief, releasing the burden of anger toward his brothers. His ability to forgive required enormous compassion. Even after their father Jacob’s death, Joseph’s brothers still doubted his forgiveness, which hurt him deeply. For Joseph, the anger was long gone, and he had turned a new page in their relationship.

WHERE DID Joseph find the strength to forgive? Forgiveness requires strength but also the ability to forget. It is not easy to forgive those who betrayed you, but Joseph’s unique personality and the example set by his mother, Rachel, played a role.

Rachel and Jacob’s love was tested when Laban deceitfully gave Leah, instead of Rachel, to Jacob after seven years of waiting. According to the midrash (rabbinic literature), Rachel was deeply hurt by Leah’s actions, and she and Jacob had even agreed on secret signs to prevent such deception. However, when Rachel saw that Leah was about to be humiliated, she forgave her sister and gave her the signs so her wedding night would not be ruined. Jacob, too, forgave Rachel, and their love grew into one that was not dependent on anything.

The midrash in the Book of Lamentations tells of Rachel’s plea to God to have mercy on the people of Israel as they were being sent into exile. Rachel says, “Just as I forgave my sister, I ask you to forgive the people of Israel.” This midrash has always moved me to tears, but this year, on the eve of Yom Kippur and a year after October 7, 2023, it feels more poignant. To my students and the evacuees I work with, I say the path forward must be rooted in unconditional love, based on forgiveness.

If we, as a nation, embrace love and forgiveness, we will be worthy of the return of our soldiers and captives, as prophesied: “Your children shall return to their borders.” Having just observed Yom Kippur and ahead of Hoshana Raba, which seals our judgment, women in particular must embody the message of love and forgiveness. These values are central to the essence of Yom Kippur and Hoshana Raba, which aim to bring spiritual and social renewal—repairing the relationships between individuals, between communities, and within society.

Forgiveness is not easy. It requires deep soul work and strength. But if we commit to doing so, we can free ourselves from the chains of anger, heal our souls, and contribute to the healing of the world.

The writer is dean of the Faculty of Education at Bar-Ilan University.