Jewish perspectives on loss: Accepting divine justice - opinion

‘A person is obligated to recite the blessing over undesirable occurrences with a positive spirit, as it is written, ‘You shall love God, your Lord, with all your might’ (Deuteronomy 6:5). 

Included in this extra dimension of love that we are commanded to express is to acknowledge and praise God with happiness, even at the time of one’s difficulty.”

This blessing that one recites upon hearing bad tidings is an expression of one’s love of God.

The sages wanted us to reach deep into our reservoir of faith to respond to painful tidings, such as the death of a loved one, with a positive disposition. This blessing calls for herculean faith to see the positive in a painful event.

There is no denying the pain one feels at the death of a beloved relative; there is no denying that one needs to mourn the loss of a precious beloved. 

However, there is also no denying that one should view the death as the will of the True Judge and accept His will with a positive disposition.

Such a response is a tziduk hadin, a vindication of the justice of God. Rabbi Moses ben Jacob of Coucy (died 1260), author of the Sefer Mitzvot Gadol, considers a person’s vindication of divine judgment to be one of the 248 positive commandments (#17).

He bases it on this verse: “Bear in mind that the Lord, your God, disciplines you just as a man disciplines his son” (Deuteronomy 8:5). This mitzvah calls upon a person to see God’s discipline with a positive attitude, fully confident that just as a father disciplines his son for the son’s good, God disciplines mortals for their good.

At the funeral 

We engage in tziduk hadin at every funeral when we recite “The Rock, His deeds are perfect, all His ways are just” (Deuteronomy 32:4). We also vindicate God’s justice when we confess our shortcomings (vidui) – when we recite “ve’ata tzadik al kol haba aleinu.”

Therefore, when one suffers a loss, one should vindicate God’s justice. But is it appropriate to vindicate God’s justice when addressing someone else who suffers a loss? Is it an expression of one’s love of God to say to a neighbor, “God was just in taking your beloved”?

In my judgment, it is rather insensitive to vindicate God’s justice to another person who suffered a painful loss. 

Baruch dayan ha’emet is the appropriate response of the person who suffered the pain but totally inappropriate for an outsider who has not suffered the pain.

What is an appropriate response to the death of a neighbor? If the victim was murdered or killed in war, “May God avenge his death” – Hashem yakum damo – is appropriate. If the deceased died a natural death, an appropriate response after the burial is “May you be comforted from Heaven” – min hashamayim tenahamu.

Halacha calls upon us to vindicate God’s justice when He disciplines us; we are never called upon to vindicate His justice when He disciplines others. May He have mercy on His people.