Ultra-Orthodox and secular Israelis combat assimilation together
In truth, when it comes to building Jewish identity, all secular Jewish kids in America, whether their parents are American or Israeli, are in the same boat.
It’s Friday afternoon in Hollywood, Florida. Dr. Neta Peleg-Oren, a secular psychotherapist, and Yehuda Kornfeld, an ultra-Orthodox rabbi and educator, are sitting opposite me. Both are former Israelis and they are worried.“This Won’t Happen to Me” is the name of the workshop they conduct together and it’s also the title of their book that will soon be published.America, whether their parents are American or Israeli, are in the same boat.“At the same time,” Neta explains, “we need to assure the parents that we don’t mean to take their Israeli-ness away from them. They will stay Israeli but they need to consider their children. After all, the disaster would be their children’s rejection of Jewish identity, and that is what we need to prevent. By the way, there is no insurance policy against assimilation. Even Rav Kornfeld is not completely insured. However, regardless of what happens, we will at least be able to stand in from of the mirror and say we tried our best, we did the maximum.”“It is important to reach parents whose kids are still small,” Yehuda emphasizes. “But these parents frequently say, ‘Let’s talk later on.’ They don’t understand that they have to start early. If they don’t, they end up running to us when their kids are in college and no longer listening to every word their parents say. What do we tell them then? ‘It’s too late.’”I ASKED Neta and Yehuda to conduct a condensed, accelerated workshop for me. Neta begins with the Bible: “We need to make them familiar with biblical stories so they feel that their family is a continuing chapter of those stories, that they are part of something magnificent. There is history and there are values associated with every holiday, and children need to learn about them, too. Often, there is a family awakening at bar mitzvah time but then the fire goes out. Our task is to see that the enthusiasm around that awakening continues, that the fire keeps on burning.”“In order to instill Jewish values,” Yehuda explains, “we need to say, ‘As a Jew, this is what I do.” It’s not enough to say ‘I am a Jew,” but what I do as a Jew is what’s important. For example, a child needs to understand the statement of our sages that ‘each Jew is responsible for every other’ and therefore ‘we help other Jews.’ We need to weave such ideas into the fabric of daily living at home, with frequent hints, in order that our children will grow up with these ideas embedded in their hearts.”“The message does not have to be verbal,” Neta adds. “It can also be conveyed through objects in the home. Is there a Bible at home and how do we relate to it? Is there a Hanukkah menorah? To have a Hanukkah menorah on display in the living room is a big deal. Something also needs to be done on Fridays. If you are in Israel, even if you are secular, there is a special feeling attached to the approaching Shabbat, but here it’s not like that. We suggest sending a ‘Shabbat shalom’ text message on Fridays to the entire family, to remind the children that Shabbat is coming, and it’s not like any other day of the week, regardless of the messages transmitted by the surrounding culture. The Friday night meal is also important. Most Israelis here do not have kids in Jewish schools, saying they cannot afford it, and therefore everything their kids learn about Judaism and Jewish practices takes place exclusively at home.”I must confess my astonishment, in closing, at the “unity government” I am witnessing before my eyes. “Both of us received similar reactions from our base. ‘What are you doing together? How can you work with a secular Jewish woman or how can you work with an ultra-Orthodox man?’” Yehuda exclaims. “But we discovered that there is a large community that genuinely wants this combination, and this desire of theirs is deeply felt.”Neta closes with a comment that echoes in my mind long after we part. “In Israel, Yehuda and I would probably never have spoken to each other, but here, as two Israeli-Americans, we discovered that we have much in common and need to work together.”The writer is a media personality and lecturer who lives in Jerusalem. She is currently with her family, serving as the World Mizrachi emissary to North America, where she lectures in various communities.Translated from Hebrew by Yehoshua Siskin.
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