Dangers of envy: How the 10th Commandment guides social harmony - opinion

Do not covet your neighbor’s house. Do not covet your neighbor’s wife, his slave, his maid, his ox, his donkey, or anything else that is your neighbor’s

– Exodus 20:13

The 10th Commandment is unique because it focuses on an attitude or an emotion. Why is it included? Simple answer: Coveting was viewed as the greatest threat to the social order of the emerging nation of Israel.

Coveting actually has a couple of close cousins: envy and jealousy. The Bible and the Talmud give warnings about the dangers of envy. Proverbs 14:30 teachers that “A calm disposition gives the body health, and envy rots the bones.” Similar sentiments were expressed in Pirkei Avot 4:27: “Rabbi Elazar HaKappar said, jealousy, lust and the [pursuit of] honor remove a person from the world.”

Rabbi Joseph Telushkin, in Code of Jewish Ethics, Volume 1, reminds us of how this set of emotions has been a tremendous source of feuds within biblical families. Consider Cain’s jealousy of Abel’s sacrifice being accepted by God; Joseph’s brothers’ jealousy of how he was favored by Jacob; Sarah’s jealousy of Hagar and Ishmael; the mutual envy of Rachel and Leah; Korach coveting Moses’ leadership position; Saul was jealous of David; David’s coveting of Bathsheba had a number of negative consequences, bringing out some of the worst aspects in his character.

One finds the terms “envy,” “jealousy,” and “coveting” sometimes used interchangeably, but they are not the same. It is worth taking a look at their distinctions and derivations, as well as those of two positive terms, “admiration” and “inspiration.” (See box)

Our sages were worldly and understood that coveting was the ultimate expression of a process that begins with envy and passes through jealousy. They further knew how covetousness could drive people to violate the other commandments. David coveted Bathsheba; he was not simply jealous that Uriah seemed to have such a perfect wife – he wanted Bathsheba and took shameful actions as a result.

These emotions take us to a place away from our true selves

That is the great insight in Rabbi HaKappar’s quote. These emotions take us to a place away from our true selves. In all cases, these emotions lead to a short-circuiting of centering questions: Who am I? What are my core values? Just like we sometimes want that unhealthy food because we see it and see others enjoying it and either crave their experience or want to be like them (the basis of most advertising!), envy, jealously, and coveting arouse powerful motives in us. Indeed, as opposed to looking at ourselves and those to whom we are closely connected carefully and intentionally, these emotions foster a troubling internal dialogue:

Envy: Don’t I also deserve to have that ?

Jealousy: They don’t deserve to have that and certainly not to enjoy that.

Coveting: I will take that from them.

The action implications of these are also clear:

Envy: I am not going to be satisfied with my lot because I will always want what others have.

Jealousy: I am going to disrupt their enjoyment or possession of what they have, even though my actions will not reflect well on me and are unlikely to be actions I am proud of, after the fact.

Coveting: I am not focusing on the harms my act of possession will lead to, either for myself or for others. I am only looking at one part of the picture: what I think will be good for me and how I can get it.

While it has been said that envy can be positive (“The envy of scholars brings about greater wisdom” – Bava Bathra 21a), I think this is misplaced. It is not uncommon for envy to be viewed, at times, as a positive – my envy for another’s accomplishment might motivate me to improve myself. But this is a misunderstanding of the nature of envy – the focus is on attaining some imagined status of the other person, not of improving ourselves.

Lessons learned from Moses and Korach

We know this as one of the lessons of Moses and Korach. Korach was guilty of coveting Moses’ leadership and authority and perhaps his relationship to God. His argument for leadership was not for the sake of heaven. Similarly, it should be the admiration and inspiration of scholars that bring about greater wisdom. Admiration leads us to appreciate what others have done because it is congruent with our own deepest values and aspirations. Inspiration catalyzes us to take a positive action, to go beyond recognition and extend ourselves to make constructive contributions. In the case of scholars, this represents a desire to achieve great knowledge, insight, and benefit to the Jewish people. In the case of leaders, inspiration leads us to build our capacity to enhance the lives and well-being of others. These are not aspirations born of envy and its more damaging cousins.

Aligned with the idea of keeping a “fence” around mitzvot so that we are less likely to come close to violating them, our tradition has ways for us to reduce envy and jealousy by way of distancing us from coveting. One clue to the importance given to reducing  envy is to consider the emphasis on doing for others that we find in the Torah and Jewish tradition – caring for the stranger, the orphan, the widow, the poor, the traveler, one’s community, one’s synagogue, being your “brother’s” keeper. Inculcating a superordinate value to benefit others stands in direct opposition to enviousness.

Ben Zoma knew this: Who is rich? One who is happy with what one has (Pirkei Avot 4:1). So did Hillel – we cannot be at our best only being for ourselves; we also must be for others. It’s not a simple relationship. Since we have the capacity for envy, it means that sometimes it will rear itself in us without clear prompting. It’s for this reason that our tradition teaches us to visit the sick, make shiva calls, even serve in the chevra kadisha – all reminding us of the misfortunes of life and how, when we envy one aspect of others, we often don’t realize its connection to all aspects of that other person and his or her life.

Telushkin also speaks to how important it is to not promote envy in others. One should be humble about one’s accomplishments, honors, possessions, even relationships. Because envy, jealousy, and coveting are corrosive to societies, we should be invested in keeping these emotions away from our various communities.

This shows us clearly why there is so much resonance to the classic story about Reb Zusha on his deathbed. Noticing his atypical agitation, his students asked why he was so upset. His tremendous life accomplishments surely would afford him an honored place in heaven. The rabbi responded, “I’m afraid because when I get to heaven, God won’t ask me ‘Why weren’t you more like Moses?’ or ‘Why weren’t you more like King David?’ God will ask ‘Zusha, why weren’t you more like Zusha?’ And then what will I say!?”

Reb Zusha’s story is a call for all of us to put much less focus on what others have than on our own gifts and how we can use them for others’ benefit. Each of us has the ability to bring light into the lives of others in our own particular way. As Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. said, “Everybody can be great because everybody can serve.”

In discussing the story of Korach, Rabbi Jonathan Sacks quoted C.S. Lewis as saying, “Humility is not about thinking less of yourself. It is about thinking of yourself less.”

Korach clearly coveted Moses’ position of leadership. This went beyond envy, and he certainly did not admire Moses’ capacity for and position of being able to serve the Jewish people. He was not motivated by coveting to become a better leader and servant. His desire to have what he believed Moses had fueled his deceit, his dishonoring, his dishonesty, and his destructiveness.

It is to counteract the invariably and uniquely powerful and harmful consequences of coveting on a family, group, or society that its banishment was placed as the final commandment and targeted by our sages as something to be prevented to the extent possible.

As we look at these three key terms, we see a progression and why the Torah specifically admonishes us to avoid coveting. Envy involves looking at others and feeling that somehow one is diminished by not having or experiencing what others do. Jealousy adds a zest to do something about it, usually to diminish the other, to bring them “down” in some way. Covetousness is the strongest and most pernicious of the three. It impels us to want to take what the other has as our way of achieving/attaining some desired status. It can lead us to lie, cheat, dishonor our parents directly or indirectly, bear false witness, even murder. On the other hand, admiration and inspiration lead to positive, constructive feelings and actions associated with being a better person by acting for the benefit of others. ■

From envy to inspiration

Envy: derived from the Latin invidere, “to regard maliciously; to see into others; a feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else’s possessions, qualities, or luck.”

Jealousy: derived from the Latin zelosus, “showing envy of someone or their achievements and advantages”; linked to the term “zealous,” which affords energy in pursuit of a cause – in this case, envy.

Covetousness: derived from Latin cupiditas, “to desire – yearning to possess or have something belonging to someone else.”

Admiration:  derived from the Latin admirari, “to be in wonder of; to regard someone or something with respect or warm approval.”

Inspiration: derived from the Latin inspirare, “to breathe into; to fill someone with the urge or ability to do or feel something positive, life-giving, especially to do something creative.”

The writer is professor of psychology and contributing faculty in Jewish Studies at Rutgers University, where he co-directs the Academy for Social-Emotional Learning in Schools. He is co-author of The Joys and Oys of Parenting: Wisdom and Insight from the Jewish Tradition (Behrman House, available at Amazon.com) and Emotionally Intelligent Parenting. He dedicates this article in honor of the third yahrzeit of Rabbi Sacks, who continues to be an inspiration to him. He can be reached at maurice.elias@rutgers.edu .